Enjoy Today, Tomorrow May Never Come

Their first smile.  The first time you hear them say “mama”.  Their first steps.  Their first “I love you”.  They mean so much and when they happen, we, as parents, make a mental note and vow that we will “always remember this moment”.  And we do.  Most of the time.

And then there is the other side of reality: our “daily” life.  Or our “daily grind” – depending on the kind of day you’re having.  In our busy lives (yes, even Moms have one) it is easy to overlook the smaller moments, simply because we are “busy”.  Our responsibilities, jobs, stress factors, commitments and other “shoulds” make it easy to overlook the smaller, precious moments – the ones that are just as important and special as those “milestone moments”.  We are slightly put out with the fact that our children yet again, woke us up in the middle of the night because the music had stopped, or because they kicked off their blankets and were cold.  On top of that they manage to wake up before sunrise, depriving you from the extra hour you had hoped to catch after the interrupted sleep.  Add a dash of stress and it doesn’t make for a very happy mommy (or daddy) in the morning.

You make breakfast, provide yourself with the much-needed caffeine in whatever way, shape or form you take it and decide to put this extra long day to good use and get some things knocked out and taken off that to-do-list-without-an-end.  In goes the first load of laundry and out come the swiffer and the mop.  Somewhere in between the smelly socks, mud covered clothes and the dirt that all the living creatures of your family have managed to bring inside, there are the meltdowns, the brotherly fights, toddlers hanging on your legs, begging for… [fill in the blank] and all you think is “this is not working for me.  This way I will never get my work done.”

Last night it hit me: SO WHAT?! Who cares?  None of it matters.  It doesn’t matter if the laundry doesn’t get done.  It doesn’t matter if my floors aren’t clean.  What matters, is savoring the moments of my toddler clinging to my leg, begging for … [fill in the blank].  Him wanting to sit down with me in the middle of me making dinner to read a book for the umpteenth time.  What matters, is enjoying the giggles of the boys, even when they’re up to mischief.  The sparkle in their eyes when they enjoy one of my cupcake creations.  Those are the moments that matter.  Those are the moments that count in life.  Not the clean floor – which by the way doesn’t remain clean for longer than 10 minutes anyways.

Deep in my heart I knew all this.  None of this was really “news” to me.  However, I have to admit that I didn’t always live accordingly.  I had gotten in the habit of taking things for granted.  Life had become a “routine”, in every sense of that word.  The sun sets in the evening and when it rises in the morning, we start over again.

Yesterday I got a dose of painful reality: even though the sun sets in the evening, it may never rise again in the morning.

Last week David had coffee with a dear friend of ours.  They spent an afternoon at Starbucks, chatting about a new business venture, a way to put their mutual creativity to good use, to create a business while having fun.  Both were excited and hopeful.  That was Thursday.  Friday came and Friday went.  But for Frank, the sun never rose on Saturday.  At 49 years of age, he passed away that Friday night.  Unexpectedly.

Life is precious and it should NEVER be taken for granted.  Enjoy and embrace every moment – even the ones that don’t seem so pretty.  Life can be taken from you any moment, without warning.  Make the best of today, tell your loved ones you love them, kiss your children an extra time and be grateful for each and every day.  Tomorrow may never come.

Dear Frank,
Thank you for all that you brought to our lives.  Your warmth, kindness, big heart, generosity and amazing sense of humor will live on in our hearts and memory.  May you rest in peace.

Happy to Be Mom

Even if I had had the time to sit down and write over the past weeks, not much exciting would have been put on paper.  It would have been limited to stories about colds, snotty noses, coughing spells in the middle of the night, raspy voices, more snotty noses and Vicks.  That pretty much sums up the past few weeks.

Then came the other day at the playground.  It was a sunny afternoon and perfect to spend an hour after naps outside, running, climbing, chasing and sliding.  The playground is part of a recreational area, managed by the city of Los Angeles.  There are picnic tables, baseball fields, basketball courts and around a large field lies a track that is used for strolling, walking, jogging and other workout activities.

As the boys were climbing, going down slides and chasing each other, a little girl caught my attention.  She must have been approximately the same age as Kai.  She had beautiful blond curls that bounced around as she was playing in the sand.  Next to her sat a lady, who certainly wasn't her mother.  I assumed she was the nanny.  All of a sudden the girl got up out of the sand and walked over to the fence.  While holding on to the wire, she pointed and said: "Look Maria!  It's Mommy!"  I looked in the direction she was pointing and as I clocked a blond woman strolling over the track, talking to (what I assume was) her friend, the little girl called out "Hi Mommy!" and waved enthusiastically.  The blond woman didn't hear or see her.  The little girl hesitated for a moment.  Then, she hung her head and with a sad look on her face, returned to the edge of the sand box where she sat and just stared at the sand in front of her.

It is by no means my intention to start the discussion on the pros and cons of nannies, but it reminded me of a conversation I had had with a nanny at that same playground a few months ago.  She told me that she had been the nanny of this little boy for practically his entire life (he was 5 at the time).  His father was a producer, his mom didn't work.  "So," I asked.  "If his mom doesn't work, then why are you practically raising this boy?"  The answer: "because his mom goes for pedicures, wine get-togethers and spa visits with her girlfriends."  I remember at that point, my mouth just dropping open.  I was so dumbfounded that I was unable to get a word out of it.

Seeing the little girl, desperately wanting to connect with her mom and not being able to do so, broke my heart and as I am writing this, my heart goes out to her.  All she wanted, was to connect with her mom.  The person she should be connecting with.  On the playground, at home, in the park, heck, in the grocery store.  Don't get me wrong, a break once in a while from being a mom is nice.  Some pampering, hanging out with friends, I am all for it.  But when I look around at these playgrounds I see so many children with nannies / baby sitters, that I couldn't help but make certain assumptions when I saw the events of that afternoon unfold in front of my eyes.

Seeing the sadness and disappointment in this little girl's eyes, made me realize how happy I am with the life that I live.  Though I still teach part-time, I get to spend amazing quality time with my boys.

I get to go to the playground with them and push them in the swings:




I get to tuck my boys in for the naps and get to see how Kai prefers to fall asleep for naptime:



On those beautiful days that he actually takes the nap, I get to wake him up and walk in on this:



I get to experience this "view from above".  The baby, grabbing on to my legs, with no intention of letting go until hugs, kisses and more hugs have been delivered:



I get to be there when Kai discovers a new hiding place:



And finally, I get to be the one Kai comes to to show off his new footwear:



Honestly, it would bother me if I wasn't there to share those moments.  I LOVE those moments and am so incredibly grateful that those moments are MY memories of my children growing up.

Yes, there are absolutely days that I wish there was someone who was willing to take my little devils off my hands, so I could regain my sanity.  But despite the sleep deprivation, the toddler tantrums, the moments of needing to count to 10 100, I love being a mom and I love taking them to the playground, being the one whose arms they run into for hugs and kisses and to be excitedly told "I LOVE you Mommyyyyy!!"

Pre-MenoWHAT?!?

Earlier today I spoke with a friend of mine who was having one of "those" days.  You know, the one that starts not so great and then only gets worse?  That one.  Our conversation took place around 9am and at that point it was obvious that it was going to be one of those days for her.  Especially since she hadn't had her Java yet.  Ah, the a.m. Java and the p.m. glass of wine.  What would we do without them?  I was happy to be her "venting buddy", but when she went into a bit more detail about the mood swings that had been plaguing her lately, I felt as if I was listening to myself.  Her assumption?  It must be a pre-menopausal thing.  WHAT was that?!?!  WHAT did you say?  Did you just say "pre-menopausal"?  Oh no girlfriend, I am soooo not ready for that yet!!  For one person it may be a pre-menopausal thing, but I think in my case I prefer to call it "being-mother-to-two-lovely-cute-little-boys-who-regularly-test-boundaries-and-enjoy-pushing-buttons" (my buttons, that is).

In the beginning of January I committed myself to a little experiment: for 3 weeks, upon waking in the morning, I would choose how I wanted to be throughout the day.  I had a little bright pink Post-It note taped to my bathroom mirror, so it would remind me.  Every morning, I took a deep breath and decided what I was going to be about and how I wanted to be with the children.  These 3 weeks turned into 3 amazing weeks.  I admit that I wasn't always successful in maintaining the attitude that I had committed to in the morning, but the few times that this happened, it didn't take me much time to realize what was going on and to get back to where I wanted to be.

It was difficult though, especially with a stubborn, trying, testing the boundaries toddler on my hands.  He seems to have a knack for finding my buttons and pushing them.  Heck, sometimes the kid manages to turn me into one huge button in and by itself.  I hate it when that happens.

Luckily David and I manage to rotate those days; the days that I am the big red button that walks around signaling "Push Me!  Push Me!" are the days that he seems like a Buddhist monk: calm, together, nothing can possibly ruffle his feathers.  And then there are days that those roles are reversed (although I hardly ever consider myself as calm as a Buddhist monk).  Yep, it's a perfect marriage.  We compliment each other pretty well.

Over the past weeks I have had my share of being the Big Red Button around the house, today I was the calm, together, Buddhist monk (wannabe) and it came with my "aha" moment: as parents of toddlers we are pummeled with "give them a clear choice", "be consistent", "draw a clear line", "communicate well", "pick your battles", and so on.  I realized that in many occasions (when I have a Big Red Button day), I "react" and the reaction is what fuels the fire.  Choices are great, but not as a reaction to an action.  The choice needs to come first, before the action.  If that is the case, there is no need for a reaction.  Confused?

Here's an example:
It's bath time and Kai doesn't want to go in the bath.  It's time to get in, he runs away and turns it into a "catch me if you can game".  We react and tell him that he could either come, get in the bath, and have his daily pillow fight prior to going to bed, or we will come get him, in which case he'll go kicking and screaming and the pillow fight will not happen.  This is where it goes from bad to worse. 

Or

Bath time arrives and we give him 2 choices: a bath followed by his pillow fight, or straight to bed.  Which one would he prefer?  Whichever one he chooses, we'll just have to make sure that we're okay with it.  If per chance he changes his mind somewhere half way through the process that follows, it'll be a lot easier for us to calmly explain that this was his choice and if he wishes to do it differently the following day, he can.  We're not reacting with an action, we're reacting with an explanation.

It is fascinating to me that those days that I felt like that Big Red Button, were the days that I didn't take the time in the morning to decide how I was going to be throughout that day.  I let my toddler who came running in and started using my bed as a trampoline, yelling "Mama, wake up!  Make Breakfast!  Mamaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!", waking the baby in the room next door have an effect on my mood that day.  (It may be hard to believe, but a scenario like that, does make it somewhat more challenging to wake up in a calm, relaxed, and zen-like mood.) 

At this point, I can happily say that I have put the thought of pre-menopausal challenges to rest.  Those challenges will have to wait until a later point in my life.  For now, I am simply a mother to two little boys (who I love and adore to pieces) and who are discovering the world around them.

Welcome Home Mommy!

Our Mom's Weekend Out was a big enough success that there are already ideas going around about the next one.  The next time I've been gone for a few days, however, I would prefer a slightly different welcome from my baby boy.  As warm and as loving as the initial 'welcome back' moments were, the one that followed a few hours later, in the middle of the night, wasn't quite what I had hoped for.

Despite having been gone and having had the chance to rest for the weekend, I was exhausted by the time 10pm came around.  A good night's sleep and I would be ready for Monday.  Bring it on.  My Monday this week started at 5am when Ryder woke up crying.  As a mom you develop the ability to translate your baby's cries and though I was pretty darn good at it back in the day with Kai (these days it's a different story), I had to re-learn the whole science of cry-interpretation with Ryder.  You'd think I didn't get enough practice in with Kai, but trust me I did.  I think this was purely a case of selective memory.

So, 5am comes around and Ryder is up.  This time not with the kind of fussing that will stop, after which he'll fall asleep again.  It was a different cry.  One that told me, to go in and check on him.  And there I went.  Stumbling down the hall, into his room.  A little voice in the back of my head said: "check if he's hungry" and so I did by gently sticking me finger into his mouth. 

And bingo!!  There it was...!!

The cause of all evil.

The beginning of the end of baby-hood.

A tooth.

His first tooth.

Right at that moment my heart stopped.  I had dreaded this moment for so long and here it was.  It had come out of nowhere, with no lead in time (other than 3 months of drool, drool and more drool, but hey, drool doesn't mean much to me anymore).  At that very moment, at 5am on Monday morning, my baby made me realize (even more) that he was growing up. 

Given the fact that we are most likely not going to have any more children, that meant that the gummy smiles were gone.  Forever.  I loved them so much and it broke my heart to think that this was it.  That the last time I saw him smile, had been the last time I had seen his gummy smile.  I love gummy smiles.  And though the smiles with teeth are absolutely just as precious, there is something so very special about the gummy ones.  At least to me.

Some topical gel and Ibuprofen later, Ryder rolled over, cuddled with his blankie and went straight back to sleep.  Calm, soothed, and happy.

Mommy, on the other hand, let loose a few tears before she fell asleep.  It had been a bittersweet return home.  I am absolutely blessed and happy that my baby boy is healthy and is turning into a 'big' boy, however I am sad that yet another chapter of 'infancy' has been closed and is now behind me.  I loved his gummy smile and I just wasn't ready to let it go quite yet.  This just proves, once again, that our children grow up on their own terms.  As parents we do so much to encourage and support their growth, however, at the same time there is nothing we can do as they just do it on their own.

This feeling is similar to the one I had when I realized that Ryder wasn't falling asleep in my arms anymore. I know that these moments will be replaced by new ones that in turn will be just as precious, yet I cannot help but be a bit sad. 

Thank you Ryder, for reminding me to really live in the moment and to experience every single moment fully.  They are precious and before we know it, they're gone, to never return again.  Afterall:

The present is a gift, that's why it's called 'The Present'.

On Raising Kids...

This morning I was reminded on how much we look at 'the experts' around us to solve the challenges we face in motherhood / parenthood.  As parents we spend a lot of time trying to 'figure it out'.  Whatever 'it' may be.  And by the time we do (figure it out), our little ones have changed and decide to mix things up again.  We look at the people around us and compare our children to others:  "So-and-so walked at 10 months.  Why isn't my child walking yet?  He's 14 months already".  And there we go: we dive into the books, we call our pediatrician, and worst of all: we 'Google' our concern.  Though the internet is a wonderful place to get a lot of information, it can also be a place that can worry you for no good reason.

Long story short: we get so wrapped up in 'figuring it out' that we sometimes forget to just enjoy the moment.  I have written two posts about that since I started blogging and I often return to read them.
Living In The Moment
Enjoy Them, They Grow Up So Fast
It always puts me back with my feet on the ground, while it breaks my heart at the same time, realizing that my kids are growing up so incredibly fast.  (Sometimes faster than I'd like them to).

All this reminded me of a piece that Anna Quindlen, Newsweek columnist and author, once wrote and I wanted to share it.  I am pretty sure that some part of this will ring a bell for every.single.parent. who reads this.


On Raising Kids...

by Anna Quindlen

If not for the photographs, I might have a hard time believing they ever existed. The pensive infant with the swipe of dark bangs and the black button eyes of a Raggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellow ringlets and the high piping voice. The sturdy toddler with the lower lip that curled into an apostrophe above her chin.

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I have today: three almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in fast. Three people who read the same books I do and have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want to keep their doors closed more than I like.

Who, miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves. Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep within each, barely discernible except through the unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and sleeping through the night and early-childhood education, all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered, spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped the pages dust would rise like memories.

What those books taught me, finally, and what the women on the playground taught me, and the well-meaning relations --what they taught me, was that they couldn't really teach me very much at all. Raising children is presented at first as a true-false test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one knows anything. One child responds well to positive reinforcement, another can be managed only with a stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies were put down on their backs because of research on sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then soothing.

Eventually you must learn to trust yourself. Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15 years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful books on child development, in which he describes three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an 18-month old who did not walk. Was there something wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every  part of raising children is humbling, too. Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been enshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of Fame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I include that.) The time I ordered food at the McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away without picking it up from the window. (They all insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was I thinking?
 
But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of us make  while doing this. I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages 6,  4 and 1. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less.
  
Even  today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't, what was me and what was simply life. When they were very small, I suppose I thought someday they would become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I suspect they simply grew into their true selves because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back off and let them be.
  
The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense, matter-of-fact and I was  sometimes over the top. And look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three people I like best in the world, who have done more than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.

That's what the books never told me. I was bound and determined to learn from the experts. It just took me a while to figure out who the experts were....

Stop and Smell The Roses

Every afternoon the boys and I go for a walk.  Well, almost every afternoon - if it's not too hot.  They usually wake up around 4pm and after nursing Ryder, that doesn't leave much of an afternoon for play dates, trips to the park or other outings with dinner at 6pm.  So, walking around the block we do.

Kai has seriously taken to smelling the roses (and other flowers) on our route.  Every. Single. One. He. Can. Reach.  He will either smell them with his hands by his side, or he will first look at me for approval before gently cupping the flower with his hands and smelling it. 

He still has some difficulties grasping the idea that he cannot just step into the flower beds to smell the flowers, or that running onto people's properties isn't the appropriate thing to do.  The excitement he conveys once he spots yet another "fowah" [translation: flower] is just so adorable to watch.  I am lacking a better word for it at the moment. 

The little boy who - at home - is the wildest kid I have ever seen, who throws himself around, wrestles with both his dad and me at the same time, for whom play isn't fun if it doesn't fall in the category 'rough housing', holds the flowers with such care and a sense of delicacy, and takes his time smelling each and every single one of them.

These 'little' things remind me how awesome it is to be a mom to 2 boys.  They teach me to look at things from a child's point of view, and they allow me to rediscover the world around me.  Things that we take for granted and do not pay much attention to on an average day. 
Because, be honest - when was the last time you stopped in your path to take a moment and smell the roses?

25 Day Challenge - Day 25

Being Peace
"You are a being of peace" was part of today's mantra.  Somehow it doesn't matter how often I remind myself of that, it doesn't quite feel like I am.  Juggling all the elements in my life (which I have mentioned enough in previous posts and therefore am not going to repeat AGAIN), I really have to sit down, step back and take a moment to get to that peaceful place.  Well guess what?  Today's exercise was to meditate for 2 minutes.  I can do that.  I used the meditation that was linked to today's challenge.  It was difficult and nice at the same time.

Difficult because I was dealing with 2 children who refused to nap.  I had managed to tidy and clean my desk as I enjoy my work a lot more at a clean and empty desk.  The time that took me was as long as the kids were quiet.  That was it.  The rest of their nap time at least one of them was crying, fussing, calling for me, or whatever-it-is-that-I-am-blocking-out-of-my-memory, but time to meditate wasn't in the cards.  Or so they thought.  I ended up turning the baby monitor upside down, pushed my chair back, closed my eyes and decided that the kids would be okay for the 2 minutes of meditation I was going to give myself.

And they were.  And that's where the 'nice' came in.  For the first several seconds I found myself feeling guilty for not checking on the kids, but once I let go, these few minutes turned into the most relaxing part of my day.  The meditation allowed me to calm down a bit, relax and in a way 'regroup' with myself.  I did feel better afterwards, I have to admit.

"I should do this more often"; a phrase I definitely find myself thinking on numerous occasions.  Whether that is when I take a long shower, when I sit down to read a bit, when I go to bed early, work out, or like today, when I meditate.  And yet, I hardly ever do.  Simply because (I think) I am too busy, have no time, have other more important things to do, you name it.  But...we're talking 2-3 minutes here.  Really?  I don't have 2-3 minutes to do something for me?  Yeah, I too find that hard to believe.  I hear you thinking.

So, on that note, I am going to make meditation a part of my daily routine.  I can take 2-3 minutes a day to take a moment and step back.  If it makes me feel better, then it's totally worth it.  2-3 minutes.  I know I can do it.  Can You?

Today marks the end of my 25-Day Challenge.  To those who have followed me on it, I would like to say "Thank You".  Some of you have mentioned that you might want to try it yourself.  Feel free to use my blog as a starting point, or go to the Innerspace website directly.  Either way, I wish you all the best with it and hope that it will be as helpful, enlightening, inspiring and guiding as it was for me.  I would love to hear how things are going, if you decide to do it.  So feel free to drop me a line or post a comment whenever you have something to share.

From this point on, I will continue with my 'usual' blogging, although I am breeding on something very exciting for my blog.  It will (most likely) be entering the blogosphere this Friday, so stay tuned.

25 Day Challenge - Day 24 with a "Snif Snif"

First things first: let's get the awkwardness out of the way - they lost (see, the change in pronoun here?).  They lost, we lost, however you want to phrase it, it sucks.  BIG TIME!  I am bummed out and after having changed my Facebook profile pic this morning from an actual photo into the Dutch flag, I found myself changing it back to my 'old' profile picture this afternoon.  In addition, I now have to re-do my toe nails and turn them back into a 'generic' color.  Forget about what the loss means to the Dutch soccer team, their coach and everyone else who worked their rear ends off for the Dutch team!  I have to re-do my toes!!!!  Priorities people, priorities!!

So now that I have addressed that and it's out of the way, let's return to our daily lives and business.  Oh God, I am so far behind with my writing.  I have 25 Day Challenge stuff to write, recipes to share, and an awesome recommendation to share with those who live in the LA area.

I don't know if I can get all this done in one evening, but here goes nothing.  Imah-gonna-try:

25 Day Challenge - Day 24 - Yes /No - Be Assertive
As a mother I want to please.  I think as mothers we receive that blessing at the same time we find out we are pregnant.  During our pregnancies, we want the baby to be comfortable, well-nourished, happy, etc. and we pursue this goal through a seeing our health care professionals, a well-balanced diet (okay, so maybe not all the time), some exercise (well, maybe not all the time either), making sure we get enough sleep (oops...), talking to the baby, etc.  Once the baby is born we do everything in our power to keep our lil' one content: we feed, change, rock, nurse, cuddle, hug, kiss, burp, and stroke, and this is just the beginning of a long list of things we do to pursue our child's content-ness.

Personally I have found that it is so incredibly easy to get completely wrapped up in trying to please everyone around me.  (I'm talking about mainly family members at this point, though that includes our pets.)  Now that I am a mother to two, I have come to the realization that this is an almost impossible goal to pursue.  I mean, for everyone to be content, 100% of the time.  I am on purpose not using the word 'happy' as I strongly believe that happiness is not something that is dependent on one of two events that happen on any given day.  Happiness is something bigger that is made up by much bigger elements than "can I have a piece of chocolate?".

I have found that there is tremendous power in the word 'no'.  I am not talking about the "No" that we give our toddlers so many times during the day to tell them that they are not allowed to do something, such as pulling the cat's tail, sitting on the dog, throwing rocks over the wall into the neighbor's yard, hiding the dog toy under the shed where nobody can reach it, etc.  I am referring to the 'no' that we should give a bit more often to keep ourselves from getting overwhelmed.  In our pursuit of meeting everyone's needs, we often say "yes, I'll take care of that" even though we have not the slightest idea how or when we are going to do this thing we just committed ourselves to.  Saying 'no' once in a while will allow you to actually get things done and it will allow you to look back at the end of the day and say "that was a productive day".  The other scenario is the one where you said "yes" to too many things and at the end of the day you 'only' got half of them done.  In which case (given that you are most likely exhausted) you will perceive your glass to be half empty instead of half full.

It is difficult to say "no", but it is so powerful if we can use it with honesty and respect.  I am not saying to not help your kids, to not feed them, to not care for them.  I am referring to the 'small' things that come up over the course of the day that aren't that small at all and can consume more time than you have available.  Just because your toddler gets muddy outside, doesn't mean you have to do laundry right that moment.  There are other clothes (s)he can wear.  Just because you ran out of apple juice, doesn't mean you have to rush to the grocery store right that moment. They can drink something else (like water).  Just because a friend asks you to look something up for them, doesn't mean it cannot wait until the following morning.  I hope you see what I mean.

I have realized that being able to say "no" (or "not now") once in a while and knowing when to say it, is wonderful.  If you say it with honesty and respect, you will not offend anyone.  If you feel the need to explain, do so, but most likely you won't need to as the other person will get it (unless it's a 2-year old) and be fine with it.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Being Peace
You don't need to search for peace; you are a being of peace.  Any time, and place, you can step back from your thoughts and emotions.  Just withdraw into your inner being, a place of total peace and just be.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

My Dearest Ryder

My Dearest Ryder,

What a day it has been.  I just want to take a moment to share with you how incredibly awesome you are and how blessed I am for you having chosen me as your mommy.

The morning started out rough, I know.  No one likes to be poked by the 'evil' nurse (she's actually a real nice girl), let alone twice.  It seems very contradictory and it will be a while before you really get this, but those vaccinations...(I know this sounds sadistic) were because I love you.  No, it wasn't my intention of showing you my love by having you poked, but I am trying to keep you from getting sick.  I'd prefer a healthy happy Ryder, you know.

When we came home, we had some delicious sweet potato.  Oh, how you devoured half of that jar.  We're still only on day 2 of the sweet potato, so I didn't want to give you more than half a jar.  You practically ate the spoon!  I hope that this passion for food will remain with you your entire life, Sweetheart.  Mommy loves to cook and there is nothing better than cooking for boys who love to eat.

Then there was the nap.  It really didn't take you long at all to fall asleep and what a beautiful nap you had.  From 1-4pm.  Your brother woke up around 3, at which point he and I decided to bake cookies together.  When you're a bit older, we'll all bake cookies together.  I am sure you will absolutely love them.  (And if you don't then that's okay as well, as that means, more for Kai, papa and me.)

On our stroll around the neighborhood you were a delight.  Looking around in amazement at all the exciting things going on around you: tree trunks, squirrels running up and down them, leaves moving around on their branches in the wind, a neighbor cooing at you in amazement (because you're such a big boy), your brother running around your stroller pushing his 'auto', dogs barking from behind fences (which really didn't disturb you by the way) and cars passing.  You soaked it all in.

When we came home and mommy started cooking, you hung (literally) with papa in the Baby Bjorn.  Watching Kai run around without a diaper (he has a bit of a rash) was exciting and seeing Buster climb the slide was reason for giggles.

When mama, papa and Kai were having dinner you had enough and decided it was time for some 'splash splash' (bath time).  I understand.  Mommy was running a bit behind.  Enough reason for some complaining.  'Splash splash time' was fun as always: kicking and splashing water everywhere, oh how fun that is!  Mommy's pony tail is the object of fascination and lots of laughs, especially when it tickles you, right after the bath, when you're all toweled off and in your diaper.  You get so excited.  Enough reason for mommy to hold on to her long hair for now.  Ah, and then the massage...the bedtime lotion smells so nice and there is hardly anything else that relaxes you more than a leg and foot massage.  (Can't blame you!  I'm right there with you buddy.)

And then there was MILK.  Glorious MILK!!  Ah, the perfect ending to a perfect day.  You devoured a 'standard' 10 oz. (I honestly do not understand where you put it My Love), after which you fell asleep in my arms.  It's been a while since that happened.  For the past few weeks you squirm so much that I put you down in bed wide awake, after which you fall asleep by yourself (easily, I must say).  Well done on learning that so quickly lovey!  You mastered that in just a few days!!!  I'm proud of you.  However, tonight was different.  I think you were so exhausted from today that you just fell asleep before the thought of squirming popped up into your head.  It was lovely.

I maneuvered you in a way that your head rested on my chest.  You fit in a way that allowed me to wrap you up in my arms and have you be comfortable up against me.  As I realized what a precious moment it was, I had a hard time keeping the tears that rolled down my cheeks, from falling on your sweet, peach-fuzz covered head.  I could have stayed in that rocker with you sleeping and grunting on my chest for the entire night, but...tonight is my date night with papa, so I figured I shouldn't spend it the entire night in the nursery.  By the way, your grunting is so adorable.  I hope to some time catch it on video.

My Dearest Ryder.  I love you more than words can describe.  I cannot tell you how blessed I am to have you in my life.  To be your mommy.  To teach you, to guide you and to love you.

Thank you for picking me as your mommy.

With all my love,

Mommy

25 Day Challenge - Day 22

It may sound arrogant, but I'm stuck on today's challenge (well, kinda): the challenge for today is to take 10 minutes to reflect on any mistakes made over the week and to ask myself: What did I learn?  What will I do differently and better as a result of what I know?

Provided it's only Hump Day and there are still several days ahead of me this week, I have a hard time coming up with any mistakes made this week.  Having said that though, the 'think' part of the challenge is something that is worth looking at:

"I am able to learn something useful from every situation."
With Kai sick yesterday and with the semi-finals of the World Cup Soccer, I felt as if the day passed by without me noticing.  At the end of the day I was still wearing my lounge pants, hadn't brushed my teeth yet and hadn't even combed my hair.  I felt like an absolute slob who hadn't gotten anything done.

I shared my frustration with David over dinner and he reminded me that sometimes it's okay to have a day like that.  Afterall, the Netherlands had won the semi-finals and with that placed itself in the Finals for Sunday.  I did get my laundry folded:




But most importantly, I cared for my sick toddler who really needed a dose of mommy-love.  He was so right and that, my friends, is one of the biggest lessons I learned over the past few days: sometimes it's okay to cuddle up with your baby and watch movies the entire day (although I am soooo trough with Thomas, Finding Nemo and Cars).  Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for a day.  The bottom line: every situation provides us with an opportunity to learn.  It's not easy to always remember, but worth the try.

Tomorrow's challenge:

Abundance
Abundance is to see that there are endless possibilities before us.  And at the same time, still see an incredibly rich existence right where we are.  It is a feeling of gratitude for everything and everyone we have in our life.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 21

With or Without Ego
I hate to admit it, but no matter how much I don't like it, I do have a certain amount of ego in me.  I think that to a certain extent, most people have it.  To be 'without' ego as the challenge calls it, seems to me like an incredible high place to be.  I admire those who are without ego and wish I could be more like that.

When people disagree with me, depending on the issue, my reactions vary from a "lemme bite my tongue" to [thinking] "How DARE you, where do you think you get the right from to say that!?"  I wish I didn't, but I do. 

The 'act' part of the challenge calls for having the humility to ask a younger person for advice and to give it your honest consideration.  Kai is not feeling well today, so it looks like I won't be really able to do that, but it does remind me of a story that my husband once told me about his mother.

I never met my MIL, as she passed away a month before David and I started dating.  But when David was younger, she would often ask his advice on matters that seemed way out of his league (e.g. finances, life choices, relationship matters, etc.).  Whenever his mom would ask his opinion or advice about something the thought that would go through his mind was "wow, that's some big stuff.  I'd better come up with a good and well-thought over answer". It gave David the feeling that he was valued and that his opinions were valued.

And being valued ties back to the 'think' element of the challenge: "I am unique and as valuable as everyone else."  And everyone (in some way) has flaws.  If I am able to accept my own flaws (and those of others) and respect myself and others in the process, I think I'm on the right track to be a bit more 'without ego'.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

On Making Mistakes
Mistakes matter.  How you recover from them matters even more.  The best way to handle a mistake is to learn from the mistake.  Then you'll not repeat it nor ever be paralysed by the fear of making another mistake.
Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 20

Resilience
When Ryder was born 5 months ago, I was surprised that there were several friends "friends" from whom I didn't hear.  No visit, no call, not even an email to say "congratulations".  To me, it seems pretty normal that when a friend has a baby, you drop a line (in whatever way, shape or form), but maybe that is not the norm for others.  I have no clue what was behind it and in the end, that really doesn't matter.

In my life I have gone through enough experiences that taught me who my real friends really were and it is surprising that those experiences were not just 'bad' ones.  There were also joyous experiences, like getting married, having babies, etc. 

When you realize that people who you had considered to be friends, aren't really friends at all, it is difficult.  Sometimes it takes longer to accept that fact, sometimes you're 'over it' quicker.

A few days ago, I came across one of those 'friends' at a function.  During my pregnancy with Ryder I hardly heard from her, and after Ryder was born, I didn't either.  We received a gift through her husband, but I never heard from her personally.  In the beginning it bothered me.  It wasn't so much disappointing as it just pissed me off.  Let's get something straight here: it really isn't about "pay attention to me" here.  That's not the issue.  I would have gone for a different career, if that was the case.  The gift was nice, but in the end, friendship is worth so much more. 

The challenge for today was to remember to laugh when things got difficult. 

Over the course of the past days, the issue has popped in and out of my mind several times.  You know, things like that come up when you are in your "thoughtful place" - on the toilet, in the shower, waiting for a red light in traffic, etc. 

And today I did end up laughing about it: actually, I laughed a bit at myself for wondering about this kind of behavior, for dissecting it.  Why was I bothering with that?  I have so many wonderful friends who I can count on, who I love, who I can laugh with, who share similarities, who are there for me and for whom I will always be 'there' as well.  I hadn't talked to this 'friend' since I-don't-know-when, so really, what was I doing? 

When I realized how silly the whole situation was, it was so much easier to let go.  Afterall, a friend is not someone who you 'just know'.

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." {Source: Unknown}

... and I am incredibly happy with the real friends I do have in my life.  They are a blessing and I am grateful for them.

Tomorrow's challenge:

With or Without Ego
With ego, you lash out when someone insults, disagrees or criticises you.  Without ego, you're able to accept your flaws without compromising your self worth.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 19

Knowing When Not To
Maybe you had noticed, maybe you hadn't, but I like to speak my mind.  If I am around 'others' (outside of the comforts of my home) I do edit myself, but if I am comfortably at home with my hubby or hanging out with my best friend, I usually say exactly what's on my mind.  It comes forth out of the comfort I feel being around these people.  I feel safe, at ease and feel comfortable enough to speak my mind.  In my writing I tend to speak my mind and put it as I see it (no, not necessarily as it is).  You don't like what you're reading?  That's okay.  You can stop, I won't force you to continue.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in a few situations lately in which I spoke my mind at home with my hubby, expressing my opinions, my thoughts, my ideas and it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.  Speaking my mind didn't go over very well, and though the few times that it happened, we talked things over and 'made up', it has put me in a place where I start to wonder if I have to start editing myself.

This is a hard one for me, I have to admit.  I feel that with one's other half (husband / wife / partner / etc.) one should be able to share what's on their mind.  Even when the other person may not agree, or may not like it.  Isn't that what relationships are (also) about: being able to be open, honest and to speak up?  

Then, on the other hand, if you know that what you are about to say (or what you want to say) might end up being misinterpreted and cause a disagreement, is it then better to not say it and keep it to yourself?

I think the crux here is 'timing': there is a right time for everything and sometimes might just not be the right time.  I have come to the conclusion that there are occasions when it is better not to say what's on your mind, hold on to it and wait until a later moment in time to bring it up.  Maybe when things have calmed down, when the other person is in a more relaxed state of mind, when you're not pressured by time because the kids need to go to bed, whatever that is.

Knowing when not to roll out your arguments / thoughts / opinions is difficult.  Especially when you really want to share your opinion and you really want to be heard.  However, it may very well be possible that there is a better time to do this at which time you might even be heard a lot better.

Give it a try.  I will.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Resilience
Resilience is your personal power, your inner strength that allows you to rise above difficult circumstances, and bounce back stronger than before the challenge!  With such vitality, nothing can bring you down, or destabilise you.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 17 & 18

One of the good things about this 25 Day Challenge is the fact that it puts you in a place to write every day.  A bad things about it is that it forces you to write every day.  Even when you're short on time.  And I was yesterday.  So: I didn't write.  I don't know how many (if any) people are following me on this challenge, but if there are, I apologize.

Let me start out by re-capping yesterday:

Positive Self Talk
Several people whose blogs I follow have written about this already, but as a mom it is as if you have a life-time subscription to the highest (and scariest) roller coaster ride you can think of: there are days when everything goes smoothly and being a mom is just the best thing ever.  Kids are in good moods, they eat, they play, they are happy, they make you laugh, if you're lucky you get some things done around the house, etc.  You know, the days that we need more of.  Right.  Those.  Then there are the days that cannot go by quick enough.  The days that seem like the drag on, during which you are faced with frustration, lots of crying, and at the end of the day (and most of the time during the day), you wonder why there doesn't seem to be anything that you can do right. It leaves us feeling inadequate, vulnerable and lost.  While the baby is crying, the toddler is whining, the dog is barking, the cat is fussing you feel like you're responsible for everyone's happiness.  And you're failing.  Or so it feels.

It is days like those, during which it is so easy to talk ourselves down.  "I don't seem to be doing anything right today" or "Why can't I make you stop whining / crying / barking / fussing / etc?"  And this is only the beginning of the downward spiral, which brings our mood down even further and faster if we indeed embark on it.  

It is at moments like that, that I have learned that sometimes Mommy needs a time out.  Just to get away from it all.  For just a few minutes.  To catch my breath, to remind myself that I am doing a great job and that this is just 'one of those days'.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that sometimes we just need that affirmation.  Just the reminder that we are doing a good job. On those days, it is good to just take a moment and remind ourselves that we are.  Remember the nights that you rocked your baby to sleep.  The twinkle you'll see in their eyes when they are in a 'happy place', the smiles that they give you (on other days in this case).  The hugs.  The kisses.  The dances and the excited squeals when you come home after not having seen them for a while.  All those are our kids' ways of communicating that they love us.  That they are happy.  And that you are doing an excellent job as a mother.  I try to remind myself of these things when I go through a rough day.  And it's definitely difficult, especially when I am exhausted, tired and feel as I am drained from all resourcefulness I had before.  Yes, it's hard and it'd be handy if the hubby was around to tell you that you're an awesome mom regardless.  Unfortunately those moments often occur when the hubby is not around.  So when that happens, take a moment and remind yourself of the awesome mom you are.  'Cause you are.

Today's Challenge:


Beat Tiredness
Being tired isn't just about doing too much; it's also about being devoid of motivation.  Beat tiredness and work up your motivation to get things done and make things happen with spirit and gusto.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

For myself I strongly noticed that when I start doing something that I am excited about, it gets done with energy, motivation and excitement.  I enjoy the process of it, it doesn't tire me out (no matter how long it takes) and I get a kick when it's all done.  I am going to revamp my blog site a bit and I am excited about it.  The to-do list is made and I can't wait to see the final result.  If it takes longer than I anticipate it to take, that's okay.  It's something I am excited about.

At the same time, I remember how I dreaded doing my taxes.  I put it off, I put it off and this year again, our account filed for an extension.  Then I decided to change something.  I hated doing my taxes.  That was a fact, yet they had to be done.  So, I set the timer and chopped up the work in portions.  I worked for an hour and rewarded myself after an hour of focusing down and getting things done by doing something I enjoyed doing.  I scheduled the time in advance and knew that Monday night from 8:30-9:30 I was doing my taxes.  I closed my email program, so I wouldn't get distracted by incoming mail and knew that in an hour the timer would go off.  With an end in sight, it made that hour a lot more do-able.  Add to that the reward that awaited me at 9:31 and I actually got excited.  It became a game to see how much I could get done in that hour.  I did this several times over the course of a week and by the end of the week my taxes were done.  


Motivation is a big part of getting things done.  If you can find ways to motivate yourself, you'll be surprised how much you can get done (and how fast you can do it).


Tomorrow's Challenge:


Knowing When Not To:
Action is important but so is inaction.  To act appropriately and with consideration, you have to use your power of discernment.  Knowing when to and when not to: say something; dig your heels in; hold your ground; or make a decision!


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 16

Co-operation

Well, I can keep things short, as my little experiment for today hasn't taken place yet...

"Today offer your help without being asked or expecting thanks in return."  David and I are in the last half hour of getting things done / working / blogging (in my case) before we are going to sit down for the rest of the evening and vedge.  Is that even a word?  Whatever.  We are going to kick our feet up, have a cup of tea, and enjoy some delicious chocolate chip oatmeal cookies that I baked yesterday.  I was planning on rubbing his legs a bit as he usually carries a lot of tension there, so we'll see how it goes, but I am sure it'll be appreciated.  (It better be - LOL!)

For tomorrow's challenge:

Positive Self Talk

Your self-esteem comes down to the way you talk to yourself.  Your inner critic is that little voice that nags you and sabotages your efforts.  Change your inner critic to an inner coach and encourage yourself to keep trying even when you're not 100% successful!

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 15

Patience
When I set today's challenge up at the end of yesterday's post, I thought to myself: Oh god, that's going to be a hard one!  I am not graced with much patience, you know, and especially these days with a baby, a toddler, 2 high-maintenance dogs, a whiny cat and a husband (who again left his coffee cup on the counter), my patience seems to be running a bit low.  

So, today was indeed a challenge.  But...it paid off!  When I logged on to my blog dashboard this morning, I gathered that I had gained 2 followers overnight, yet the number of followers on my dashboard and on my blog were the same as last night: 46.  Huh?  I tried everything: refreshing the page, emptying out the cache, opening everything in a different browser, restarting the computer, nothing seemed to get the 46 turned into a 48.  As I was trying more things and more things didn't work, I felt my patience quickly being reduced from medium to ULTRA-low.  And as my patience went down, my blood pressure went up.

Then, I decided to let it go.  I'd figure it out later.  Or not.  But damnit, I really wanted to see that '48', not the '46'.  Sigh....  No, I'd move on with my day and figure it out later.  Really.  REALLY.  Later came and later went, but I didn't figure it out.  The kids went down for a nap, they woke up, I still hadn't figured it out.  

I figured that since it happened miraculously overnight that new followers didn't show up on my page anymore, so maybe the problem would fix itself overnight as well.  I mean, a mommy can believe in miracles, can't she?

I had sent out an email to a few fellow mommy bloggers and got some good feedback and tips, but unfortunately nothing helped.  Until...at the end of the day there was the 1 tip that did the trick.  Thanks Diane!!  The 2 followers who didn't show up were following me 'privately', meaning their photo doesn't show up on my followers' list.  There was the ahah-moment and the realization that 'patience' had paid off.  

That does bring me to a question for the more seasoned bloggers among us:
Why do people choose to follow privately and not publicly?  

Well, on that note, here's tomorrow's challenge:

Co-operation
To be co-operative means to have a quiet eye for what is needed and contribute accordingly.  To be a support at the right time, in the right place.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 14

Will Power
When Kai was about 6 months old he and I enrolled in a mommy-and-me class at a local community college.  There is one 'class' that I remember vividly.  (I say 'class' as they really weren't classes, but merely a chance for the kids to play with other toys and other kids while mommy was around).  


Kai is focused on the tunnel that he can crawl through and does so with great enthusiasm.  All of a sudden he stops and his eyes lock in on a phone and cable outlet in the wall - the only 2 that weren't covered with outlet covers for child protection (given that covers for these type of outlets don't exist).  Completely fixated on the outlets, he abandons the tunnel and heads over to the wall.


I get where he's going, tell him that these are no toys and pick him up to place him back in front of 'his' tunnel.  Only for him to turn around 180 degrees and to resume his mission that was so abruptly aborted my his mother.  He and I play this game a few times back and forth, with me putting returning him to the play mat, but every in a spot that is further and further removed from the darn outlets.  Finally, the winner distraction: food.


After 10 minutes filled with a snack and milk he is enough distracted and continues to play with the toys at hand.  Mommy, happy that the outlets seem to have been erased from the cognitive part of his brain, sits down to 'relax'.  NOT!!  Kai spotted them once again and was headed in their direction, looking occasionally over his shoulder to see if Mommy was going to catch him.  Yes she was.  And yes she did.  


This game finally ended when class was over.  All I can say is: the kid has will power.  When he has in his mind that he "can and he will", he will.  At times tough for mommy, but I hope in the end it will work out in his advantage (unless mommy doesn't want it to).

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Patience:
Patience is your willingness to let time and life move forward at their own pace, without losing sight of your destination.  When there's no rush, no hurry, out goes anxiety, in comes peace of mind.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 13

Add Fun To Your Life
I'm half way there!  To adding fun to my life?  Noooo!!  I'm half way through my challenge!!  Yahoo!!  Do I feel like a better person at this point?  No, but at least I am having fun playing around with the different challenges.  Icing on the cake is that they are teaching me something.

As did today's challenge:  I was that woman at the grocery store...  You know, the one with the crying baby.  The one who people look at and wonder: why is she letting her poor baby cry?  Why does it not bother her?

Well, people, for the record: I DON'T LET MY BABY CRY.  To those people: you obviously have never dealt with babies, but lemme enlighten ya: sometimes, you know,.....they cry!  Yes, that's right!  Sometimes they cry!  There are times that there is a reason for the spilling of tears, and believe it or not, sometimes there ain't (a reason).  I will do my best to soothe him, but hey, sometimes I can soothe all I want, but if the reason for his crying is out of my control, then crying he does.

Secondly, it does bother me.  Do you think I like the sound of my baby crying?  No!  Especially when I'm wearing him on my chest.  That kid has some lungs, and he's LOUD!!  It makes me almost need to have a stash of Tylenol ready as he sometimes successfully manages to give me a headache.  Of course it bothers me when my baby is crying. But sometimes there isn't much that I can do about it.  And that was today.


Again, we woke up at 5am.  (I now get what 'sleep regression' means, but really, I would have been just as happy not knowing.)  By the time we got to the store, that made for a tired baby.  And what do babies do when they are tired?  You got it!  They cry!!  And guess what?  There ain't much I can do about that while I am waiting in the check out line.  


This morning I was ready to have fun today.  To turn what I usually would describe as the much-dreaded-grocery-shopping-chore into an excursion with my boys.  Different way of approach, yet still getting my fridge re-loaded.  Kai was loving it.  Anytime he gets to ride in the 'soppin caht' [shopping cart] he gets that grin on his face. Even more fun is pummeling the items I give him to "gently put in the cart" down in the basket...(obviously I don't give him the eggs).  Then, at the check out there always is the request for "stickies please" and then, the most exciting thing: waving and saying "BYE!!!" to everyone who wants to hear it (and even to those who don't).  


As you may have gotten by now, Ryder wasn't having it so much this morning.  Oh well, we can't always have it our way.  To those people who wished I wasn't there this morning: TOO BAD!  Suck it up, 'cause I was there!  Bring your earplugs the next time you go grocery shopping.  Me being bothered by my kid crying is not going to soothe him.


In light of my challenge, I decided not to let the situation get to me.  And guess what: we hadn't made it to the car or he was asleep.  He had a delightful nap in the 6 minutes (yes, that's right) it took us to get home and was the happiest, giggling-over-everything, bright-eyed, delicious, chubby, gerber-baby you could possibly imagine until the moment I told him that it was time to take a nap.  Oops...bad mommy.  How dare I put my kids down for a nap?  Actually, it wasn't much appreciated by either one of them.  Oh well, life is tough being a baby and/or toddler.  Darn, I wish that someone came over to me and said "time to go nite-nite".  Yeah, that would bring me to tears too.  Tears of HAPPINESS that is!


So, was I really having 'fun' in that check out line this morning?  No, not particularly.  But it didn't get to me either.  And it would have been very easy to have gotten bothered or stressed out.  Having fun and enjoying the 'little' challenges that my kids throw me today allow me to go with the flow a bit more.  I think it makes for a more relaxed mommy.  Now, if I could only remind myself of these wise words around 5pm...:-0


Tomorrow's Challenge:


Will Power
If you believe 'you can' and have the strong desire to do so, then despite setbacks, it's your will power that makes you 'try, try, try again'.  Both 'will' and 'power' are released when you go from 'will do' to 'doing things willingly'.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 12

Overcoming Anger
The challenge for today was to write a letter to someone that I am angry with and then throw it away.  Hmm...come to think of it, I am not really angry with anyone.  Annoyed, yes, but not angry.  And the annoyance, well, I've let go of that on day 7 when I packed up my thoughts.  So, it would be better to say "I was annoyed".  Right.  I stand corrected.

I guess that is it for today as far as the challenge goes.  I'm almost half way there.  12 days done, 13 more to go.  Cool! 

Tomorrow's challenge:

Day 13: Add fun to your life
Waking up energised and excited about tackling challenges is a sign that you have the 'fun factor' in your life.  When you're having 'fun', you're curious enough to explore life.  And then, nothing is impossible or off limits.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 10 & 11

What happened to yesterday?  I swear it was lacking hours.  There were fewer than 24, I just know it!  At least that's how it felt.  Didn't have a chance to write and even now, I am sitting down in between birthday parties filled with sugar, bouncy castles and amped up toddlers to find a moment to write.

The challenge yesterday asked for every time I felt like saying "I have to...", to replace it with "I get to..."  Oh man, that was difficult and I am just not sure if I passed the test.  Most mommies will be familiar with the 'witching hour' and as many families, we have one as well.  At the end of the afternoon, always right when I am about to start cooking.  

I always enjoy company in the kitchen.  Nothing beats a nice conversation (while enjoying a glass of something) while prepping dinner,  but when that company fusses, cries, fusses, cries and occasionally lets out sounds at the volume strong enough to deafen me, it really destroys that nice ambience.  Yesterday wasn't any different and I had a really hard time to move from "I have to find a way for Ryder to calm down" to "Yippee, I get to wear my 19 lb. baby on my chest, while dealing with a sore knee, a painful back, oh and while prepping dinner."  


Being able to move from "I have to..." to "I get to..." can make a big difference in our minds and in how we perceive things on our way.  I totally see that.  And I totally had a hard time with it yesterday.  So there!

Today's Challenge:

Concentration Ability
When you want to do something sincerely and are decisive about it, the power of concentration becomes available to you.  Concentration allows you to achieve more in less time and respond to situations in a more effective way.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge 
As I am writing this, my dear husband is on the phone and decided to put the conversation on speaker phone as he 'can't hold the phone and type at the same time'.  I am in the same room, making attempts to write this post and though it is challenging to block out the conversation (which does not involve any typing at the moment, yet is still on speaker phone), I am surprised about how well I am able to concentrate on the thing that I am doing here.  

It's not because it's written in the challenge, but I do strongly believe that I am much more effective in what I do when I do 1 thing at a time and really give that thing 100% attention.  Many times I feel overwhelmed with the ever-expanding list of to-do's.  That list never seems to get shorter.  For every thing that gets crossed off, it seems there are 2 more things that are being added at the bottom.  

Here's what I have learned in the past, which really seems to work: on a note pad, make a master list of all the things that you need to do.  Then, pick 1 thing off that list and write that down on a separate page.  Leave that page visible to you and do that 1 thing.  Finish it and cross it off the 2 pages.  Now, take the next 1 thing that needs to be done and write it down on that second page.  Do just that thing, complete it, and cross it off.  

This way you stay focused and don't get distracted by all the other things that need to be done.

Here I am.  Still writing.  In the mean time, I have said "not now" to something that I was asked earlier and I haven't checked my email (despite it ringing several times, alarming me that there is yet another piece of junk mail that needs reading immediately).  In the mean time my husband ended his phone call, just in time for me to be done writing.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Overcoming Anger:
Anger can be a by-product of our way of thinking, rather than it being caused by a person or an event.  You can either hold on to your anger or, you can calm down and let go.  Choose to be calm and you'll find it easier to forgive and move on.


Click here for the 'think - pause - act' elements of the challenge