Monday, July 5, 2010

25 Day Challenge - Day 20

When Ryder was born 5 months ago, I was surprised that there were several friends "friends" from whom I didn't hear.  No visit, no call, not even an email to say "congratulations".  To me, it seems pretty normal that when a friend has a baby, you drop a line (in whatever way, shape or form), but maybe that is not the norm for others.  I have no clue what was behind it and in the end, that really doesn't matter.

In my life I have gone through enough experiences that taught me who my real friends really were and it is surprising that those experiences were not just 'bad' ones.  There were also joyous experiences, like getting married, having babies, etc. 

When you realize that people who you had considered to be friends, aren't really friends at all, it is difficult.  Sometimes it takes longer to accept that fact, sometimes you're 'over it' quicker.

A few days ago, I came across one of those 'friends' at a function.  During my pregnancy with Ryder I hardly heard from her, and after Ryder was born, I didn't either.  We received a gift through her husband, but I never heard from her personally.  In the beginning it bothered me.  It wasn't so much disappointing as it just pissed me off.  Let's get something straight here: it really isn't about "pay attention to me" here.  That's not the issue.  I would have gone for a different career, if that was the case.  The gift was nice, but in the end, friendship is worth so much more. 

The challenge for today was to remember to laugh when things got difficult. 

Over the course of the past days, the issue has popped in and out of my mind several times.  You know, things like that come up when you are in your "thoughtful place" - on the toilet, in the shower, waiting for a red light in traffic, etc. 

And today I did end up laughing about it: actually, I laughed a bit at myself for wondering about this kind of behavior, for dissecting it.  Why was I bothering with that?  I have so many wonderful friends who I can count on, who I love, who I can laugh with, who share similarities, who are there for me and for whom I will always be 'there' as well.  I hadn't talked to this 'friend' since I-don't-know-when, so really, what was I doing? 

When I realized how silly the whole situation was, it was so much easier to let go.  Afterall, a friend is not someone who you 'just know'.

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." {Source: Unknown}

... and I am incredibly happy with the real friends I do have in my life.  They are a blessing and I am grateful for them.

Tomorrow's challenge:

With or Without Ego
With ego, you lash out when someone insults, disagrees or criticises you.  Without ego, you're able to accept your flaws without compromising your self worth.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.



Renate said...

Dear Marieke, thank you for your blogs. I'm thinking of starting the 25 day challange program myself. Keep on writing.
greetings from Holland, Renate (tonight another soccermatch.....)

HRH Mommy said...

Renate - So happy to know that people are following me on it and that it's inspiring!! Let me know how it goes if you end up doing it!! And as far as soccer goes: the TV is on, I am dressed, DVR is set to record (in case the kids interrupt) and I AM READY!!!! I miss the "orange fever" back home now ;-(

Maryane said...

It's so very true! I have certainly learned to not sweat those who, obviously, have no interest in being friends and I have so much more appreciation for my "true" friends because of that. I certainly know who loves me and it's the best feeling in the world!

Anyway, I gave you an award for your blog on my blog. Congrats! :)

Renate said...

Olé, Olé, Olé. I watched the game in a bar in Den Bosch and it was great, unbelievable!! It was orange all in town. Now up to sunday. My husband and I will be at the north sea yazz festival in Ahoy, so that will be a big party if the win.

adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

oh, this is a tough one isn't it? being hurt or let down by friends is not fun. :( forgiveness is the powerful when it's undeserved...
love your series. keep it up!

WeeMasonMan's Mom said...

You know, I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. It's been nearly 4 months since I had my little guy and some of the people I spent the most time with who acted the most supportive and excited for my little guy to be born seem to have fallen off the face of the earth, despite my attempts otherwise. It's hard not to take it personally, even though I know I shouldn't.

So going forward, I'm going to take your advice and focus on the positive - those who proved to be true friends, baby and all!

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