July '11 - The First Half of a Great Summer

July in Los Angeles = Heat.  And what better way for 2 toddlers to confront that heat than with a water hose?

It looked like the boys started to get along better.  The times playing together were getting longer, the fights were getting shorter and more spread out.

That is not to say though that the “caliber” of the fights was anything less than “explosive” though… In the afternoon, Kai LOVED to join me in getting Ryder out of his crib after naptime.  So sweet to see him so excited with the prospect of seeing his baby brother again.  (Long may this last!!)  One afternoon, he stormed into Ryder’s room with a “Hey Ryder! You're awake Bubba!"  [sigh] [heart melts].

The summer was a busy one.  July marked the beginning of summer school, swimming lessons and gymnastics.  Apparently all this starts at age 3.  I don’t think I started with swimming lessons until I was in elementary school.  Surprising, given that I grew up in The Netherlands, a country that is for 25% located below sea level.On July 10 I posted on Facebook that I put my 17-month old in a size 3T pajamas.  It fit perfectly.  Did I mention the kid likes to eat?  Yeah, he does – and he does it in style:

This is the bottom shelf of my fridge on an average day:

Not realizing he’s just a bit big for the Bumbo Seat:

Though many problems can be solved with food, there are some (problems / situations) where even food doesn’t work.  They are rare, but they do exist.  Ryder’s first hair cut was one of them.  Not grooving on that so much.  It involved lots of screaming (by him) and fighting (also by him.  However, here’s the transformation:

So, summer school: Kai changed schools this summer and prior to starting the new school year at his new school, he was going to have 3 weeks of part-time fun in its Summer School program.  When you have a stubborn child who LOVES routine, it’s a bit of a challenge to explain why he is going to move to a different school.  Until one day one of my friends Facebooked me (is this even a verb?) and double checked that Kai was going to start school the following day, so that Kai and her daughter Madison could meet up in front of the school before classes started.  Oh, there was the incentive and the timing couldn’t have been better: Madison.  Kai likes Madison.  Kai LOVES Madison.

As soon as I told him that he would see Madison the next day at school, all reservation were ‘poofed’ away.  As if they had never existed.  Thank you, thank you Sweet Madison!  From that moment on, the thought of school was GREAT!  The following day, Kai and Madison met up before school.  Unfortunately they were in separate classes, but Kai accepted that and had no problems getting started at his new place of learning:

Madison waited for him after school.  They met up before school the following day.  She waited for him afterwards.  This went on for the entire length of summer school.  Until Madison went on vacation.  Kai missed her very much.

Summer school was great.  As a toddler you know that it's gonna be a good day when you have to wear your swimsuit to school and when you walk in you are sitting down next to your friends at a plastic table with the only thing on it being cans of shaving foam. Darn, I wish I was a toddler going to summer camp.  Then there was “Pony Day”.  The day that the kids were visited by 3 ponies to pet, learn about and (I believe) feed.  How awesome?!?!  Again, I wish I was a toddler in Summer School.  Needless to say, summer school was a success.

While Kai was in school, Ryder and I had a chance to hang out together.  It was lovely and I wish it could have lasted longer.  When Kai was his age, he was the only one.  I got to go to play dates, day trips, etc., but now with two, the younger one adjusts to the older one’s schedule.  Dropping Kai off and picking him up from school, and add to that naptime for the baby, didn’t leave much time for daytrips out.  Walks in the neighborhood provided Ryder with the opportunity to make new friends too, though:

Even though Kai was the one in school, Ryder too worked hard on developing those brain cells that approx. 2 years ago he stole from me while warm and cozy in my belly.  One afternoon he pulled the Melissa & Doug letter puzzle out of Kai’s puzzle box and this is what I witnessed: (mind you that this is the first time he played with the puzzle)

So, in addition to summer school there were gymnastic and swim classes.  Kai was hot and cold about gymnastics.  First class was great.  He didn’t want to go home.  Second class, he didn’t want to go to gymnastics.  This pattern continued through the summer.  Not sure if gymnastics will return next year.Then, the swim classes: well, first class went seemingly well…

… until he all of a sudden started crying at the end of class.  I think he was overwhelmed, but from that moment on he did NOT want to have ANYTHING to do with swimming lessons.  I would seriously have to get him in the car while he kicked, screamed, hit and fought the hardest he could.  I was stronger.  I won.  Ms. Linda was great though.  Patience to the point where I envy her.  I wish I had it.  [sigh]  He got better and more comfortable as the month went on, but “loving” it was a loooooooong way away.

All the school, gymnastics, swimming and outdoor play wear a 3-year old out, so it doesn’t matter how much he protested, he would (occasionally) still fall asleep during his “quiet time” in the afternoon.  He would start out playing with his cars, but then fatigue would take over and this is how I would find him several hours later:

Ryder too, got a little taste of sports.  Just want to post this, so that when he goes into basketball at some point, I can proof that he was into it from a young age:

On the “Romance” front: David and I celebrated our 8^th wedding anniversary.  It was lovely.  David’s “uncle” let us stay at his condo in Manhattan Beach, while our babysitter spent a day and a night with the boys at the house.  Armed with a bottle of bubbles and some delicious cheeses we headed south.  Spent the afternoon at the pool, showered and got dressed to go out for dinner.  Opened the bubbles and chilled, chatted and enjoyed it with cheese and crackers on the balcony.  Once ready for dinner, we had to call a cab to come pick us up ;-)  As we didn’t have dinner reservations at Sashi Sushi, we went across the little square to Shade Hotel & Lounge for some cocktails. 

David and I always “compete”: who gets the better drink.  Oh, did I win this time: not only in taste, but so in presentation: my drink came served in an ice-glass:

Dinner was awesome.  Can’t go wrong with Sushi.  Some great creations, and some “bring us what the Chef recommends”.

[singing:} “Hallelujah!”

The rest of our little get-away: sleeping in, Mimosa’s, Eggs Benedict and Chocolate for breakfast, swimming, lounging and returning home refreshed and happy.  Oh yeah, with some “excitement” on the I-405 on the way back:

Yep, LA traffic sometimes really sucks...

With July behind us, next up is August.  The 2^nd half of summer.  The 2^nd half of all the fun.  That update coming soon.

And ... He's Off!

Having 2 children whose birthdays are within a week of each other is great, but this year it has put me on the Xtreme Roller Coaster Ride of Emotions.  Not only did my baby turn 1 last week, but 4 days later, my other "baby" turned 3 and then today...he left me.

With his backpack in one hand and with his "computer" (Scribble & Write) in his other, he marched out the door at 8am, ready to start a new chapter in his life: Preschool. 
I think know he was more ready than I was;  for the past several weeks, he has been reciting the alphabet forward and backwards, teaching it to his 1-year old brother, spelling out every word he sees, counting everything he can count, and finding the greatest joy in going through the alphabet by naming a word for every letter.  "A is for Apple, B is for Boy, Ball and Bee, C is for Carrot" etc., etc.  Mind you that the "K is for Kai", the "M is for Mommy", the "O is for Opa and Oma", the "P is for Papa" and the "R is for Baby Ryder".  Just so we all know.

For several days I had been telling him that he was going to go to the "big boy school", that he was going to make new friends and that Ms. Jill was going to be his teacher.  Forward to this morning.  My alarm clock went off at 7am.  My plan was to leave at 8, so he could be there plenty early to play before class started at 9am.  The school provides breakfast and lunch, so fruit was going to suffice this morning before our departure.  After wakening this morning, I asked him: "Do you know what's going to happen today?"  His response: "I'm going to see Ms. Jill!"  I guess Ms. Jill had made an impression on him, despite being brunette (he tends to prefer blonds). 

So, my cheeky monkey was off to school. On one hand being delighted to (only) have to focus on 1 child this morning, it (obviously) was bittersweet for me.  Kai is growing up; this would be the first day of the rest of his educational career.  From now on, he will either be in school, in college or at work (or so we hope).  Never will I have him home full time anymore (except for summer break).  That chapter is behind me, at least for him.  Honestly, it makes me sooooo happy that I have another one at home!  But it also makes me want to REALLY enjoy and get EVERYTHING out of the time that I now have left with Ryder, while Kai is in school.  I now, more than ever,  realize how fast (as in: incredibly fast) time goes and it makes me sad.  I wish that sometimes I could bottle moments, or make time stand still.

Having said that, I am incredibly proud of my toddler boy.  He's an absolutely awesome dude (though I wasn't so sure about that last night during his Tantrum of the Century) and I was proud and excited to drop him off at school.  He is more than ready and at the end of the day that is what's most important.  If it were up to me, I would hold on to him forever, but that just wouldn't be fair.  What's best for him is what's most important, not what's best for me.  And school is absolutely the best thing for Kai right now.  So there he went.

In the car, he was mostly occupied with his new "computer" - by far the best investment of this year's birthday gifts.

He loves the thing and takes it everywhere, to the point where I have to convince him that the bathroom really isn't the best place to take a piece of electronic equipment. 
Anyways, off to school we went.  It took him about 5 minutes to get used to the place.  We found his cubby where we put his backpack, he put on his smock, and when Ms. Jill suggested he traded Mama's hand for hers, he was officially "at home" at his new school.  Outside play awaited.  Fun! 

Mama left, empty handed and with a heavy heart, harboring so many mixed emotions.  Initially, I was planning on spending it playing with Ryder, but the fridge had cried out desperately, requesting to be filled for the sake of the children, so we spent it grocery shopping instead. When the fridge was filled, Ryder and I returned to the school to pick up Kai.  Upon arrival, we found him digging into Taquitos and consuming his 3rd glass of milk.  I don't think he was grooving too much on the rice and beans, but several taquitos and a 4th glass of milk later, we left.  My question "What did you do at school today?" was answered with "I had waffles for breakfast and taquitos and milk for lunch" told me everything I needed to know.  He was fine.  He did tell me had had fun and when I put him down for his nap he said goodbye, talking about the next school day.  I am beyond thrilled.  Still a bit sad, but beyond thrilled.  Today was the beginning of a good thing.

The rest of the day was spent laughing, giggling, having fun and giving hugs 'n kisses.  My idea of a perfect day.

Here's to preschool and to my big toddler boy.

It Was a Sunday Afternoon in January

... and it was sunny in Los Angeles.  Opa & Oma had come over from Europe.  I don't know what possessed me, but that morning I had gone out to Barnes and Noble to get a book:  "I [heart] Trader Joe's Cookbook".  That's right, a cookbook.  That afternoon, I was lounging outside.  I was tired, my feet hurt and I was crampy, so I decided to kick back and read... my cookbook.  Yes, that's the kind of person I am.  I finished reading the book in less than an hour, at which point I had to restrain myself from rolling off the chaise lounge and waddling over to the car to go get the ingredients for one of the recipes that jumped out to me. 

As the sun started to set, it cooled down pretty quickly and David and I decided to continue the lounging inside, while watching The International with Clive Owen.  Little did we know that we would never see the end of the movie...

That Sunday afternoon was January 31, 2010 and this was me:

An hour into the movie I got up to make some tea and grab a snack.  That's when my water broke and we were off to the hospital.  It looked like it would be a long wait before meeting our 2nd little boy, so, we continued the snacking.  Afterall, this was one of the last times that I could use "being pregnant" as an excuse for my cravings.

Maybe it was the milkshake, maybe it was the chicken fried steak with mashed potatoes I had for dinner, but my little boy seemed to be of a different opinion than the doctors: not long after dinner he presented me with the opportunity to work off the calories that I had just happily consumed.  That night, on February 1, 2010 (02/01/2010) Ryder Willem was born and made us a family of 4.  He weighed 10 lbs. 11.3 oz. and measured 21.5".  (Yes, he was a big baby and no, I did not have a C-section.)

And here we are: on January 31, 2011.  A year later.  It was a year with lots of interrupted sleep, a year in which I was "graced" with many more gray hairs, a year of milestones, of teeth, of crawling, of walking, of eating table food, but most importantly, it was a year of lots of giggles, joy, happiness and a heart that doubled (once again) in size.  Once again, I fell in love.  This time it was with a blond, blue eyed bruiser.  (It's cool, knowing that I can make both dark hair, brown eyed and blond hair, blue eyed children.)

We went from a sleepy, gassy, and yes, cranky 1-month old

to a happy, giggling, laid back 6-month old

to a mischievous, happy and flirty 1-year old.

And here we are, the day before his 1st birthday.  So much has happened and honestly, I am having a hard time believing that it's already been a year.  I miss the days that he would fall asleep in my arms, but I treasure the smiles, giggles and sheer delight he expresses when I hold my arms out and tell him to come to me from the other end of the hallway.  The excitement and joy in his eyes when he masters something new is absolutely beautiful and though I sometimes wish he still were a little baby, I am truly happy with the gorgeous and precious boy he's turning into.

On his 1st birthday, Ryder:

• Weighs approx. 28 lbs.
• Is 32 5/8"  (2ft. 8 5/8") tall 
• Wears 24 Months clothes (although he fills out Kai's 3T shirts very nicely, see pic. above).
• Sleeps from 8pm to 7am
• Naps from 1-4pm
• Has 6 teeth
• Loves milk, yogurt and cheese
• Loves walking and being outside
• Is obsessed with anything that Kai is plays with.

Today, on January 31, I yet have to watch the end of The International.  However, it once again is a sunny afternoon in Los Angeles.  Opa and Oma are visiting again, but instead of reading a cook book, I actually baked.  Apple sauce cupcakes are cooling on the kitchen counter, the house smells wonderfully, and I am preparing for a small family celebration tomorrow.

Happy 1st Birthday, my Baby Boy!  I love you more than you will ever know.  Thank you for joining us, you truly are a blessing.

It's 2011!

So, where was I?  Oh, that’s right...September 30th...oops.  Is it really 2011 already?  What happened? Oh yeah, I remember...I enjoyed my life.  That is not to say that I don’t enjoy writing.  Believe you me, in the past 3 months the desire to pick up pen and paper, uhum, start typing, has manifested itself pretty much daily.  Why haven’t I?  Let’s see...

There is work (and all that that entails: grading speeches, reading, plowing & suffering through outlines that are written in English that sometimes can hardly be called ‘English’, listening to excuses that really aren’t creative and so on).  I will leave it at that.

The boys are absolutely delicious.

  

I cannot get enough of them and I absolutely love love love every minute with them.  (Except when they are whiny, demanding and don't let me cook).

6 days after I last wrote, on October 5, Ryder started crawling.  My life as I knew it was over.  Bye bye to plopping him down with a toy and being able to go make some tea.  No, nothing of that anymore.  Mr. The Explorer went everywhere and was in to everything.  Especially into those things that Kai is playing with.  And vice versa.  Need I explain?  With Ryder’s ability to crawl, brotherly rivalry had started as well.

My parents came out from Europe for a month to celebrate their 35th anniversary.  We went to San Diego and had some family time.  Visited Sea World, the Wild Animal Park, the harbor, and in short: had tons of fun.  Seeing Opa & Oma enjoy the boys was such treat.  With them in living in Europe and us living here in SoCal they really only get to see them twice a year, when they visit.  It was the first time they saw Ryder after their visit in February when he was born.  They had some time to bond and of course, Kai LOVED having Opa and Oma around.  He has been asking about them practically every day after they left; very sweet, but sad at the same time.  The little man just doesn’t understand why he cannot see them, just like he goes over to our friends’ places to go spend time with them.  Yes, we Skype, but his attention span isn’t long in front of the computer.  It’s about connection for him.  If the connection isn’t there it isn’t “real”.  Though he understands Dutch, he doesn’t speak it much, so he can’t connect through the computer.

And then...(drum roll please)...what seemed like the impossible, happened...Kai is potty trained!  The day that we were at the Wild Animal Park in San Diego, he decided that it was of the utmost importance to share with every one (including those who didn’t want to hear about this) that, if “Kai sit on the potty, he get MMS” – which translates to M&M’S.  Seriously.  Every.Single.Person.  So, when we got home, I asked him if he wanted to sit on the potty.  And the rest is history.  He was potty trained 3 days later, although it took me a bit longer to be convinced.  He has only had 3 accidents since the beginning of the training.  Did pretty much everything by himself.  It was awesome.  I guess they were right (whoever ‘they’ might be) when they said “he will do it when he’s ready”.

On another note, on October 27, I became a US citizen with about 5,000 other people in the same room.  Yes, that’s right: 5,000.  Oh yeah, and...it’s a monthly event.  Seriously, no kiddin’!  Anyways, after having had my green card since we got married, I finally applied for my US citizenship, so now I am the proud owner of 2 passports.  Dual citizenship.  Pretty cool huh?

  

Then there was Halloween.  Ah, the beloved holiday in our neighborhood.  When we moved in, the house was a heavy fixer-upper.  And read: HEAVY.  We fixed most of it up, except the front yard.  It just hasn’t been a priority, but it does allow us every year to go all out with Halloween and turn our front yard into a haunted cemetery / maze / heart stopper / scream inducer.  And oh, what fun it is!!  Every year we have a group of friends who come and help out and every year we do something different.  The thing that remains the same is the idea of the maze and the fact that you’ll be scared crazy.  Wonderful.  People come from other neighborhoods to trick-or-treat in our street, just for that.  But hey, no pressure to make it fun again :-0 

  

It was wonderful.  Let’s just say that we had people rolling over the sidewalk laughing (resulting from being scared), others lost their wigs as they practically jumped out of their skin, screams echoed through the neighborhood.  Fun times.  Fun times.

Before we started our haunted ‘house’, we took Kai (and Ryder) trick-or-treating.  For the first year, he really enjoyed it, however the fun was short-lived;  a few days into November, he had forgotten all about his candy.  I think I still have his basket with candy in the closet here.

A few days after Halloween, my friend had her beautiful baby girl Haven.  She is absolutely precious.  Sweet and tiny and perfect.  It seriously makes me want to have another baby, though I swear that Mother Nature makes you forget the sleepless nights, or at least how they felt, and the fatigue exhaustion.

At the beginning of November David and I were invited to a wedding of our neighbors’ daughter.  I don’t remember when the last time was that he and I went out on a date together, let alone, when we were able to dress up.  Wait, yes, the last time I wore an evening gown was for the wedding of our neighbors’ other daughter, 2 years ago.  2 years ago...I do have a life you know.  Just not one that involves dressing up much.  Nevertheless, it was great to go out, all dolled up and pretty. 

  

We had so much fun.  I’d almost say “they have to get married more often.”  Wait, that sounds wrong.

Kai started his co-op preschool class.  With a group of mommy friends we have started a co-op preschool.  Awesome!  One morning a week, the kids have class from 10-12.  It’s great.  Every class has the same structure, but around a different theme.  A class is taught by 1 mom, 1 direct assistant and 2 moms are around to wrangle, clean up and help out where ever needed.  Kai absolutely loves it.  He is so proud of all the art that he brings home and every time he sees it hanging on the fridge he announces that it is something he made with his friends at school.

I hardly dare to write this (as I fear I may jinx it), but it truly seems like Kai has left the terrible two’s behind him.  Now that he is better able to communicate he seems so much more relaxed.  Maybe his mood and state of being is affected by me being more relaxed, but I am certainly more relaxed because he is in so much better spirits.  He is loving, gives hugs and kisses spontaneously, gets really excited about things, loves having conversations, is a lot more inquisitive , shares his toys better, is more accepting towards Ryder, has fewer tantrums (don’t remember the last time he had one), helps out a lot, and I can go on.  It’s almost like I have a new toddler.  And I am LOVING it.  The simple “Good Morning MOMMY!!!!!” when he wakes up and comes running in to give me a big hug and kiss in the morning is just heart warming and it made up for the fact that Ryder was getting up at 5am.  Yes, 5am. Pretty much every single day.  That was one of those details that wasn’t working out so well for mama.

Leading up to Christmas, Kai and I were busy with Holiday arts & crafts projects.  It was so much fun and we both LOVED doing it.  It was definitely the beginning of some serious family traditions and childhood memories.  One night, after Ryder went down, I asked him if he wanted to make the gift for his god-daddy that we had been talking about.  “YES Mommy, YES!  Let’s DO IT!!!  Kai make a present for god-daddy Michael!”  We had a blast.  I stripped him down to his T-shirt and underwear and half an hour of laugher later, the present was done, he was covered in paint, and ready to get into the bath.  Snuggles, milk and a story followed and that was our evening.  A precious memory was created.

Ryder is doing great.  He cut his 3rd and 4th teeth a couple of weeks before Christmas.  He started crawling on October 5, 4 days after he turned 8 months, walked behind his shopping cart on Thanksgiving morning and started walking for real on December 16, at 10 1/2 months.

He is absolutely loving it and is motoring through the home like there is no stopping.  The fascinating thing is that after he started walking, he started sleeping better.  Coincidence?  Hmmm...  In pretty much everything, Kai is his example and he (Ryder) is hard at work catching up with the 2 years that he lacks behind.  He is loving his solids.  When Kai was his age, I made organic home made baby food.  Everything home made, as organic as it came.  With Ryder, I simply do not have to energy to do that, so at 9 months I decided it was time for him to start eating table foods.  I was sick and tired of spending small fortunes on jarred baby food that smelled (and tasted) like card board.  So, he’s eating table foods with us.  Occasionally I will puree things, but most of the time, I just give him small pieces to feed himself.  He loves broccoli, cauliflower, meat balls, chicken, fish, cheese, yogurt and pasta.  Fruits are winners as well and Mama cannot be happier.

Just to get an idea of the size of this boy, at 9 months (that was in November) Ryder:

• weighed 25.5 lbs.
• measured 31"
• wore size 5 diaper
• wore size 18 month clothes

Yep, I make big babies, and oh my goodness are they cute.

In December we often went out for walks around the neighborhood.  The leaves had turned beautiful colors and after the rain we had one weekend, they had started falling.  We live on a street with deciduous trees, but unfortunately we don’t have any in our yard.  They start next door.  One of our neighbors across the street had been so sweet to rake all the leaves together in 1 big pile.  1 big pile that was waiting for an almost-3-year-old toddler.  1 big pile that lent itself PERFECTLY for some good Fall fun.

  

  

When Ryder was 9 months old he signed for the first time.  He is seriously suffering from the 2nd-child-syndrome; I started signing with Kai right out the gate, I only recently started it with Ryder, not even being very consistent.  After only a few times of signing ‘All Done”, imagine my surprise tonight when this happened:

I wasn’t sure if this was waving or signing, but given his response to the food, I think he was trying to make a point.  Pretty cool huh?  Ryder is just an amazing little man.  He is such a happy and content baby. 

I am just enjoying my boys so much.  They are a delight and I just want to spend every minute that I can with them.  Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice to have a break some times, but even after 2 hours of me-time, I cannot wait to return home, see those big smiles and twinkly eyes and give those boys the biggest hug and smother them with kisses.  These days, when they are awake, I spend my time with them.  The other work has to wait until they are asleep, resulting in just less time to do the other things that I would enjoy doing, such as reading, watching TV, or...writing.  Nevertheless, this year I am making some changes.  While still spending as much time with my 2 monkeys, I am planning on setting aside 1 evening per week to write, 1 evening to read, 1 evening to spend on arts and crafts projects / hobbies and 1 evening for date night with the hubby.  Yes, that leaves me 3 other nights, which I am sure, I will be able to fill in without any problems.

Christmas was a great day.  We spent the day relaxing, being a family and it was AWESOME.  The kids took pretty much the whole day to open their gifts: they would open one, play with it for an hour, then open another one and play with that for a while. 

  

  

  

We actually ended up opening the stocking gifts on New Year’s Day!  How’s that for some stretching?!?!  David and I watched our traditional “It’s a Wonderful Life”.  Every Christmas we watch this.  Every Christmas it gets to us.  Such a beautiful movie, such a heartwarming story.  Truly inspiring.  New Year’s Eve was spent with neighbors and friends playing games, laughing, eating and drinking.  Can’t be much better than that, can it?

The New Year has started and it feels like I’m starting with a clean slate.  It’s a great feeling.  I feel energized, motivated, enthusiastic and happy and I’m excited and looking forward to making this year an amazing year.  So many new experiences await us, so many memories are going to be made.  The mere thought if that is inspiring and exhilarating.  May 2011 truly be everyone’s Best Year Yet! 

Forget Tupperware! Crib Parties Are Taking Over!

You think a 7-month old would have no idea how to party (yet), but my 7-month old, well, what can I say?  He's an exception.

2 nights ago Ryder decided that it was party time.  He was up and ready to rock (his crib).  It was an 'all inclusive' event; he made sure that everyone of the household was included by sending out the invite loudly and clearly.  No one was left out to join in celebrating his newly discovered ability to (as I said) rock the crib.  Very thoughtful.

There was only 1 slight problem: it was 3:30 in the morning...

And rocking it, he was.  After several requests from his side to convince us to join in on the fun and several attempts from my side to make him go back asleep by sending him sleepy vibes through the wall that separates his room from ours, I concluded that my sleepy vibes were just not strong enough (for him).  I went in and found him on all 4's, rocking back and forth so hard that his crib was shaking.  Good thing we had lowered his mattress last week as he otherwise would dive right out.

I changed his diaper and turned on his lullaby CD, hoping that it would lull him back into zzzz-land.  Oh, how I wish... 2 hours later he finally rocked himself into exhaustion and decided it was time to wrap up his crib party and conk out. Just in time to allow mama 20 minutes to regain a small amount of sanity before her alarm clock went off at 6am. 

Come last night: same thing.  PAR-TAY in Ryder's crib people!  Anyone who wanted to join, was (again) verbally invited.  No doubt about that.  And despite it sounding like a heck of a fun party, my preferred place to spend the night remained in my bed, on my pillow.  With my eyes closed.  In silence.  That didn't happen.  For obvious reasons.

Sleep deprivation is setting in, especially given the fact that I work early mornings and at time I find myself wishing he would just get it over with and start crawling.  That way the newness has rubbed off and we can go back to sleep at night.  But do I really want that?  I mean, REALLY?  [sigh]  I don't know.  Him crawling means that I cannot just put him down in the living room, go get a glass of water and return to the living room finding him in pretty much the same place where I left him.  Once the crawling is discovered, there's no turning back and my peaceful time (as I know it now, though really, it ain't always that peaceful) will be gone.  Never to return again.  Until the boys move out.

Truly?  Really? 

All I want at this point...

...is a good night's sleep.

Welcome Home Mommy!

Our Mom's Weekend Out was a big enough success that there are already ideas going around about the next one.  The next time I've been gone for a few days, however, I would prefer a slightly different welcome from my baby boy.  As warm and as loving as the initial 'welcome back' moments were, the one that followed a few hours later, in the middle of the night, wasn't quite what I had hoped for.

Despite having been gone and having had the chance to rest for the weekend, I was exhausted by the time 10pm came around.  A good night's sleep and I would be ready for Monday.  Bring it on.  My Monday this week started at 5am when Ryder woke up crying.  As a mom you develop the ability to translate your baby's cries and though I was pretty darn good at it back in the day with Kai (these days it's a different story), I had to re-learn the whole science of cry-interpretation with Ryder.  You'd think I didn't get enough practice in with Kai, but trust me I did.  I think this was purely a case of selective memory.

So, 5am comes around and Ryder is up.  This time not with the kind of fussing that will stop, after which he'll fall asleep again.  It was a different cry.  One that told me, to go in and check on him.  And there I went.  Stumbling down the hall, into his room.  A little voice in the back of my head said: "check if he's hungry" and so I did by gently sticking me finger into his mouth. 

And bingo!!  There it was...!!

The cause of all evil.

The beginning of the end of baby-hood.

A tooth.

His first tooth.

Right at that moment my heart stopped.  I had dreaded this moment for so long and here it was.  It had come out of nowhere, with no lead in time (other than 3 months of drool, drool and more drool, but hey, drool doesn't mean much to me anymore).  At that very moment, at 5am on Monday morning, my baby made me realize (even more) that he was growing up. 

Given the fact that we are most likely not going to have any more children, that meant that the gummy smiles were gone.  Forever.  I loved them so much and it broke my heart to think that this was it.  That the last time I saw him smile, had been the last time I had seen his gummy smile.  I love gummy smiles.  And though the smiles with teeth are absolutely just as precious, there is something so very special about the gummy ones.  At least to me.

Some topical gel and Ibuprofen later, Ryder rolled over, cuddled with his blankie and went straight back to sleep.  Calm, soothed, and happy.

Mommy, on the other hand, let loose a few tears before she fell asleep.  It had been a bittersweet return home.  I am absolutely blessed and happy that my baby boy is healthy and is turning into a 'big' boy, however I am sad that yet another chapter of 'infancy' has been closed and is now behind me.  I loved his gummy smile and I just wasn't ready to let it go quite yet.  This just proves, once again, that our children grow up on their own terms.  As parents we do so much to encourage and support their growth, however, at the same time there is nothing we can do as they just do it on their own.

This feeling is similar to the one I had when I realized that Ryder wasn't falling asleep in my arms anymore. I know that these moments will be replaced by new ones that in turn will be just as precious, yet I cannot help but be a bit sad. 

Thank you Ryder, for reminding me to really live in the moment and to experience every single moment fully.  They are precious and before we know it, they're gone, to never return again.  Afterall:

The present is a gift, that's why it's called 'The Present'.