25 Day Challenge - Day 20

Resilience
When Ryder was born 5 months ago, I was surprised that there were several friends "friends" from whom I didn't hear.  No visit, no call, not even an email to say "congratulations".  To me, it seems pretty normal that when a friend has a baby, you drop a line (in whatever way, shape or form), but maybe that is not the norm for others.  I have no clue what was behind it and in the end, that really doesn't matter.

In my life I have gone through enough experiences that taught me who my real friends really were and it is surprising that those experiences were not just 'bad' ones.  There were also joyous experiences, like getting married, having babies, etc. 

When you realize that people who you had considered to be friends, aren't really friends at all, it is difficult.  Sometimes it takes longer to accept that fact, sometimes you're 'over it' quicker.

A few days ago, I came across one of those 'friends' at a function.  During my pregnancy with Ryder I hardly heard from her, and after Ryder was born, I didn't either.  We received a gift through her husband, but I never heard from her personally.  In the beginning it bothered me.  It wasn't so much disappointing as it just pissed me off.  Let's get something straight here: it really isn't about "pay attention to me" here.  That's not the issue.  I would have gone for a different career, if that was the case.  The gift was nice, but in the end, friendship is worth so much more. 

The challenge for today was to remember to laugh when things got difficult. 

Over the course of the past days, the issue has popped in and out of my mind several times.  You know, things like that come up when you are in your "thoughtful place" - on the toilet, in the shower, waiting for a red light in traffic, etc. 

And today I did end up laughing about it: actually, I laughed a bit at myself for wondering about this kind of behavior, for dissecting it.  Why was I bothering with that?  I have so many wonderful friends who I can count on, who I love, who I can laugh with, who share similarities, who are there for me and for whom I will always be 'there' as well.  I hadn't talked to this 'friend' since I-don't-know-when, so really, what was I doing? 

When I realized how silly the whole situation was, it was so much easier to let go.  Afterall, a friend is not someone who you 'just know'.

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." {Source: Unknown}

... and I am incredibly happy with the real friends I do have in my life.  They are a blessing and I am grateful for them.

Tomorrow's challenge:

With or Without Ego
With ego, you lash out when someone insults, disagrees or criticises you.  Without ego, you're able to accept your flaws without compromising your self worth.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 19

Knowing When Not To
Maybe you had noticed, maybe you hadn't, but I like to speak my mind.  If I am around 'others' (outside of the comforts of my home) I do edit myself, but if I am comfortably at home with my hubby or hanging out with my best friend, I usually say exactly what's on my mind.  It comes forth out of the comfort I feel being around these people.  I feel safe, at ease and feel comfortable enough to speak my mind.  In my writing I tend to speak my mind and put it as I see it (no, not necessarily as it is).  You don't like what you're reading?  That's okay.  You can stop, I won't force you to continue.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in a few situations lately in which I spoke my mind at home with my hubby, expressing my opinions, my thoughts, my ideas and it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.  Speaking my mind didn't go over very well, and though the few times that it happened, we talked things over and 'made up', it has put me in a place where I start to wonder if I have to start editing myself.

This is a hard one for me, I have to admit.  I feel that with one's other half (husband / wife / partner / etc.) one should be able to share what's on their mind.  Even when the other person may not agree, or may not like it.  Isn't that what relationships are (also) about: being able to be open, honest and to speak up?  

Then, on the other hand, if you know that what you are about to say (or what you want to say) might end up being misinterpreted and cause a disagreement, is it then better to not say it and keep it to yourself?

I think the crux here is 'timing': there is a right time for everything and sometimes might just not be the right time.  I have come to the conclusion that there are occasions when it is better not to say what's on your mind, hold on to it and wait until a later moment in time to bring it up.  Maybe when things have calmed down, when the other person is in a more relaxed state of mind, when you're not pressured by time because the kids need to go to bed, whatever that is.

Knowing when not to roll out your arguments / thoughts / opinions is difficult.  Especially when you really want to share your opinion and you really want to be heard.  However, it may very well be possible that there is a better time to do this at which time you might even be heard a lot better.

Give it a try.  I will.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Resilience
Resilience is your personal power, your inner strength that allows you to rise above difficult circumstances, and bounce back stronger than before the challenge!  With such vitality, nothing can bring you down, or destabilise you.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 17 & 18

One of the good things about this 25 Day Challenge is the fact that it puts you in a place to write every day.  A bad things about it is that it forces you to write every day.  Even when you're short on time.  And I was yesterday.  So: I didn't write.  I don't know how many (if any) people are following me on this challenge, but if there are, I apologize.

Let me start out by re-capping yesterday:

Positive Self Talk
Several people whose blogs I follow have written about this already, but as a mom it is as if you have a life-time subscription to the highest (and scariest) roller coaster ride you can think of: there are days when everything goes smoothly and being a mom is just the best thing ever.  Kids are in good moods, they eat, they play, they are happy, they make you laugh, if you're lucky you get some things done around the house, etc.  You know, the days that we need more of.  Right.  Those.  Then there are the days that cannot go by quick enough.  The days that seem like the drag on, during which you are faced with frustration, lots of crying, and at the end of the day (and most of the time during the day), you wonder why there doesn't seem to be anything that you can do right. It leaves us feeling inadequate, vulnerable and lost.  While the baby is crying, the toddler is whining, the dog is barking, the cat is fussing you feel like you're responsible for everyone's happiness.  And you're failing.  Or so it feels.

It is days like those, during which it is so easy to talk ourselves down.  "I don't seem to be doing anything right today" or "Why can't I make you stop whining / crying / barking / fussing / etc?"  And this is only the beginning of the downward spiral, which brings our mood down even further and faster if we indeed embark on it.  

It is at moments like that, that I have learned that sometimes Mommy needs a time out.  Just to get away from it all.  For just a few minutes.  To catch my breath, to remind myself that I am doing a great job and that this is just 'one of those days'.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that sometimes we just need that affirmation.  Just the reminder that we are doing a good job. On those days, it is good to just take a moment and remind ourselves that we are.  Remember the nights that you rocked your baby to sleep.  The twinkle you'll see in their eyes when they are in a 'happy place', the smiles that they give you (on other days in this case).  The hugs.  The kisses.  The dances and the excited squeals when you come home after not having seen them for a while.  All those are our kids' ways of communicating that they love us.  That they are happy.  And that you are doing an excellent job as a mother.  I try to remind myself of these things when I go through a rough day.  And it's definitely difficult, especially when I am exhausted, tired and feel as I am drained from all resourcefulness I had before.  Yes, it's hard and it'd be handy if the hubby was around to tell you that you're an awesome mom regardless.  Unfortunately those moments often occur when the hubby is not around.  So when that happens, take a moment and remind yourself of the awesome mom you are.  'Cause you are.

Today's Challenge:


Beat Tiredness
Being tired isn't just about doing too much; it's also about being devoid of motivation.  Beat tiredness and work up your motivation to get things done and make things happen with spirit and gusto.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

For myself I strongly noticed that when I start doing something that I am excited about, it gets done with energy, motivation and excitement.  I enjoy the process of it, it doesn't tire me out (no matter how long it takes) and I get a kick when it's all done.  I am going to revamp my blog site a bit and I am excited about it.  The to-do list is made and I can't wait to see the final result.  If it takes longer than I anticipate it to take, that's okay.  It's something I am excited about.

At the same time, I remember how I dreaded doing my taxes.  I put it off, I put it off and this year again, our account filed for an extension.  Then I decided to change something.  I hated doing my taxes.  That was a fact, yet they had to be done.  So, I set the timer and chopped up the work in portions.  I worked for an hour and rewarded myself after an hour of focusing down and getting things done by doing something I enjoyed doing.  I scheduled the time in advance and knew that Monday night from 8:30-9:30 I was doing my taxes.  I closed my email program, so I wouldn't get distracted by incoming mail and knew that in an hour the timer would go off.  With an end in sight, it made that hour a lot more do-able.  Add to that the reward that awaited me at 9:31 and I actually got excited.  It became a game to see how much I could get done in that hour.  I did this several times over the course of a week and by the end of the week my taxes were done.  


Motivation is a big part of getting things done.  If you can find ways to motivate yourself, you'll be surprised how much you can get done (and how fast you can do it).


Tomorrow's Challenge:


Knowing When Not To:
Action is important but so is inaction.  To act appropriately and with consideration, you have to use your power of discernment.  Knowing when to and when not to: say something; dig your heels in; hold your ground; or make a decision!


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

Friday Follow

Okay, so I never have participated in the Fun Friday Follow / Follow Me Friday / etc.  This is the first time for me, but given that I would love to reach 100 followers by the end of July, I am going to give it a try it at the following places:

Please leave me a comment if you decide to follow and a link to your blog and I will certainly return the favor.

For everyone here in the USA: Happy 4th of July Weekend!!

It Ain't Much If It Ain't Dutch...

...especially today as my home country of The Netherlands beat the (currently) #1 ranking soccer country in the world Brazil with 2-1.  I had the foresight to actually set the DVR to record the game, which aired at 7am this morning on ESPN.  (For those who missed the post in which I shared 7 things about myself: I am Dutch.  Born and raised.)

Me watching the game live, lost to Kai watching Sesame Street (afterall, mommy knows what's good for her), so I ended up watching it once Kai decided he had enough of his morning fix of Elmo, Abby, Zoe and Murray.  Thank god it didn't occur to him to ask for 'Curious George'.  When I turned it on, 'my' team was behind at 0-1.  Not great to wake up too.  But...that all changed and without boring you with the details of the game, all there is left to say is that now my throat is sore from the scream I let out with they scored 1-1.  By the time it got 2-1 I had to swallow my excitement as Ryder had just fallen asleep for his morning nap.  

Even though I do not follow much of what happens 'back home', I have to admit, I am all in the Orange Mood right now.  Afterall, you can take the girl out of The Netherlands, but when it comes to speed skating (that sport on ice that is so popular during the Winter Olympics) and soccer, you just canNOT take The Netherlands out of the girl.

So, you betcha that I will be watching the semi-finals.  I may not paint my face orange and top it off with red-white-blue flags on my cheeks (like I did back in college), but in spirit I am as orange as it gets.  Because, at the end, It Ain't Much If It Ain't Dutch (just ask my hubby ;-)

Can you just speed up? Just a little bit?!?

Okay, did I miss something today, or what??  There must have been some memo out there that I didn't get.  A memo on being slow today.  Sound familiar?  No?  Lemme explain.  It will (sound familiar).

It seems as if today everyone who happens to put themselves in front of me, or somewhere on my path ahead of me, moves at a snail's pace: the dog puts himself right in front of me, so I nearly break my neck over him, trying to walk out the door.  The cat plops down right in front of me (in this case with the purpose to make me break my neck over her), because she was pissed off that I hadn't fed her yet in the 5 minutes I had been awake this morning.  Yeah, I hear you - how dare I?  I am such a bad cat-mommy! 
Then there is the inevitable car on the freeway that goes 50 mph.  Hey, did you know that in this state and for as long as I can remember, the speed limit is 65mph?  Yeah, the FREEWAY!  It's that road with 5 lanes going one direction and 5 lanes going the other direction.  It's the road you were driving on.  That one. We call that a freeway!!  Right!!  
Oh, and then there was the guy at Costco: I know, big mistake going to Costco 2 days before the Holiday weekend.  I know.  Thanks for reminding me.  So, Costco is packed.  I have everything I need and make my way over to the check out.  Then this guy puts himself in front of me, with his shopping cart.  He obviously has all the time in the world.  I mean, Ryder would go faster if he crawled.  (He doesn't yet, but if he did, he would.)  Seriously!  Every time I try to move to the side to pass him, he slowly moves to that very same side.  Slowly, but fast enough that I couldn't pass.  In his defense, he didn't do it on purpose (I doubt he even realized there were other people in the store), but it happened several times until I made it to the check out. I was ready to .... well, that wouldn't be nice of me to say.  

I finally made it home without exploding in anyone's face.  Which reminds me, I've been on a bit of an edge lately.  Don't know why, but I am.  I need some me-time.  Desperately.

25 Day Challenge - Day 16

Co-operation

Well, I can keep things short, as my little experiment for today hasn't taken place yet...

"Today offer your help without being asked or expecting thanks in return."  David and I are in the last half hour of getting things done / working / blogging (in my case) before we are going to sit down for the rest of the evening and vedge.  Is that even a word?  Whatever.  We are going to kick our feet up, have a cup of tea, and enjoy some delicious chocolate chip oatmeal cookies that I baked yesterday.  I was planning on rubbing his legs a bit as he usually carries a lot of tension there, so we'll see how it goes, but I am sure it'll be appreciated.  (It better be - LOL!)

For tomorrow's challenge:

Positive Self Talk

Your self-esteem comes down to the way you talk to yourself.  Your inner critic is that little voice that nags you and sabotages your efforts.  Change your inner critic to an inner coach and encourage yourself to keep trying even when you're not 100% successful!

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.