25 Day Challenge - Day 25

Being Peace
"You are a being of peace" was part of today's mantra.  Somehow it doesn't matter how often I remind myself of that, it doesn't quite feel like I am.  Juggling all the elements in my life (which I have mentioned enough in previous posts and therefore am not going to repeat AGAIN), I really have to sit down, step back and take a moment to get to that peaceful place.  Well guess what?  Today's exercise was to meditate for 2 minutes.  I can do that.  I used the meditation that was linked to today's challenge.  It was difficult and nice at the same time.

Difficult because I was dealing with 2 children who refused to nap.  I had managed to tidy and clean my desk as I enjoy my work a lot more at a clean and empty desk.  The time that took me was as long as the kids were quiet.  That was it.  The rest of their nap time at least one of them was crying, fussing, calling for me, or whatever-it-is-that-I-am-blocking-out-of-my-memory, but time to meditate wasn't in the cards.  Or so they thought.  I ended up turning the baby monitor upside down, pushed my chair back, closed my eyes and decided that the kids would be okay for the 2 minutes of meditation I was going to give myself.

And they were.  And that's where the 'nice' came in.  For the first several seconds I found myself feeling guilty for not checking on the kids, but once I let go, these few minutes turned into the most relaxing part of my day.  The meditation allowed me to calm down a bit, relax and in a way 'regroup' with myself.  I did feel better afterwards, I have to admit.

"I should do this more often"; a phrase I definitely find myself thinking on numerous occasions.  Whether that is when I take a long shower, when I sit down to read a bit, when I go to bed early, work out, or like today, when I meditate.  And yet, I hardly ever do.  Simply because (I think) I am too busy, have no time, have other more important things to do, you name it.  But...we're talking 2-3 minutes here.  Really?  I don't have 2-3 minutes to do something for me?  Yeah, I too find that hard to believe.  I hear you thinking.

So, on that note, I am going to make meditation a part of my daily routine.  I can take 2-3 minutes a day to take a moment and step back.  If it makes me feel better, then it's totally worth it.  2-3 minutes.  I know I can do it.  Can You?

Today marks the end of my 25-Day Challenge.  To those who have followed me on it, I would like to say "Thank You".  Some of you have mentioned that you might want to try it yourself.  Feel free to use my blog as a starting point, or go to the Innerspace website directly.  Either way, I wish you all the best with it and hope that it will be as helpful, enlightening, inspiring and guiding as it was for me.  I would love to hear how things are going, if you decide to do it.  So feel free to drop me a line or post a comment whenever you have something to share.

From this point on, I will continue with my 'usual' blogging, although I am breeding on something very exciting for my blog.  It will (most likely) be entering the blogosphere this Friday, so stay tuned.

25 Day Challenge - Day 24 with a "Snif Snif"

First things first: let's get the awkwardness out of the way - they lost (see, the change in pronoun here?).  They lost, we lost, however you want to phrase it, it sucks.  BIG TIME!  I am bummed out and after having changed my Facebook profile pic this morning from an actual photo into the Dutch flag, I found myself changing it back to my 'old' profile picture this afternoon.  In addition, I now have to re-do my toe nails and turn them back into a 'generic' color.  Forget about what the loss means to the Dutch soccer team, their coach and everyone else who worked their rear ends off for the Dutch team!  I have to re-do my toes!!!!  Priorities people, priorities!!

So now that I have addressed that and it's out of the way, let's return to our daily lives and business.  Oh God, I am so far behind with my writing.  I have 25 Day Challenge stuff to write, recipes to share, and an awesome recommendation to share with those who live in the LA area.

I don't know if I can get all this done in one evening, but here goes nothing.  Imah-gonna-try:

25 Day Challenge - Day 24 - Yes /No - Be Assertive
As a mother I want to please.  I think as mothers we receive that blessing at the same time we find out we are pregnant.  During our pregnancies, we want the baby to be comfortable, well-nourished, happy, etc. and we pursue this goal through a seeing our health care professionals, a well-balanced diet (okay, so maybe not all the time), some exercise (well, maybe not all the time either), making sure we get enough sleep (oops...), talking to the baby, etc.  Once the baby is born we do everything in our power to keep our lil' one content: we feed, change, rock, nurse, cuddle, hug, kiss, burp, and stroke, and this is just the beginning of a long list of things we do to pursue our child's content-ness.

Personally I have found that it is so incredibly easy to get completely wrapped up in trying to please everyone around me.  (I'm talking about mainly family members at this point, though that includes our pets.)  Now that I am a mother to two, I have come to the realization that this is an almost impossible goal to pursue.  I mean, for everyone to be content, 100% of the time.  I am on purpose not using the word 'happy' as I strongly believe that happiness is not something that is dependent on one of two events that happen on any given day.  Happiness is something bigger that is made up by much bigger elements than "can I have a piece of chocolate?".

I have found that there is tremendous power in the word 'no'.  I am not talking about the "No" that we give our toddlers so many times during the day to tell them that they are not allowed to do something, such as pulling the cat's tail, sitting on the dog, throwing rocks over the wall into the neighbor's yard, hiding the dog toy under the shed where nobody can reach it, etc.  I am referring to the 'no' that we should give a bit more often to keep ourselves from getting overwhelmed.  In our pursuit of meeting everyone's needs, we often say "yes, I'll take care of that" even though we have not the slightest idea how or when we are going to do this thing we just committed ourselves to.  Saying 'no' once in a while will allow you to actually get things done and it will allow you to look back at the end of the day and say "that was a productive day".  The other scenario is the one where you said "yes" to too many things and at the end of the day you 'only' got half of them done.  In which case (given that you are most likely exhausted) you will perceive your glass to be half empty instead of half full.

It is difficult to say "no", but it is so powerful if we can use it with honesty and respect.  I am not saying to not help your kids, to not feed them, to not care for them.  I am referring to the 'small' things that come up over the course of the day that aren't that small at all and can consume more time than you have available.  Just because your toddler gets muddy outside, doesn't mean you have to do laundry right that moment.  There are other clothes (s)he can wear.  Just because you ran out of apple juice, doesn't mean you have to rush to the grocery store right that moment. They can drink something else (like water).  Just because a friend asks you to look something up for them, doesn't mean it cannot wait until the following morning.  I hope you see what I mean.

I have realized that being able to say "no" (or "not now") once in a while and knowing when to say it, is wonderful.  If you say it with honesty and respect, you will not offend anyone.  If you feel the need to explain, do so, but most likely you won't need to as the other person will get it (unless it's a 2-year old) and be fine with it.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Being Peace
You don't need to search for peace; you are a being of peace.  Any time, and place, you can step back from your thoughts and emotions.  Just withdraw into your inner being, a place of total peace and just be.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 22

It may sound arrogant, but I'm stuck on today's challenge (well, kinda): the challenge for today is to take 10 minutes to reflect on any mistakes made over the week and to ask myself: What did I learn?  What will I do differently and better as a result of what I know?

Provided it's only Hump Day and there are still several days ahead of me this week, I have a hard time coming up with any mistakes made this week.  Having said that though, the 'think' part of the challenge is something that is worth looking at:

"I am able to learn something useful from every situation."
With Kai sick yesterday and with the semi-finals of the World Cup Soccer, I felt as if the day passed by without me noticing.  At the end of the day I was still wearing my lounge pants, hadn't brushed my teeth yet and hadn't even combed my hair.  I felt like an absolute slob who hadn't gotten anything done.

I shared my frustration with David over dinner and he reminded me that sometimes it's okay to have a day like that.  Afterall, the Netherlands had won the semi-finals and with that placed itself in the Finals for Sunday.  I did get my laundry folded:




But most importantly, I cared for my sick toddler who really needed a dose of mommy-love.  He was so right and that, my friends, is one of the biggest lessons I learned over the past few days: sometimes it's okay to cuddle up with your baby and watch movies the entire day (although I am soooo trough with Thomas, Finding Nemo and Cars).  Sometimes that's the best thing you can do for a day.  The bottom line: every situation provides us with an opportunity to learn.  It's not easy to always remember, but worth the try.

Tomorrow's challenge:

Abundance
Abundance is to see that there are endless possibilities before us.  And at the same time, still see an incredibly rich existence right where we are.  It is a feeling of gratitude for everything and everyone we have in our life.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 21

With or Without Ego
I hate to admit it, but no matter how much I don't like it, I do have a certain amount of ego in me.  I think that to a certain extent, most people have it.  To be 'without' ego as the challenge calls it, seems to me like an incredible high place to be.  I admire those who are without ego and wish I could be more like that.

When people disagree with me, depending on the issue, my reactions vary from a "lemme bite my tongue" to [thinking] "How DARE you, where do you think you get the right from to say that!?"  I wish I didn't, but I do. 

The 'act' part of the challenge calls for having the humility to ask a younger person for advice and to give it your honest consideration.  Kai is not feeling well today, so it looks like I won't be really able to do that, but it does remind me of a story that my husband once told me about his mother.

I never met my MIL, as she passed away a month before David and I started dating.  But when David was younger, she would often ask his advice on matters that seemed way out of his league (e.g. finances, life choices, relationship matters, etc.).  Whenever his mom would ask his opinion or advice about something the thought that would go through his mind was "wow, that's some big stuff.  I'd better come up with a good and well-thought over answer". It gave David the feeling that he was valued and that his opinions were valued.

And being valued ties back to the 'think' element of the challenge: "I am unique and as valuable as everyone else."  And everyone (in some way) has flaws.  If I am able to accept my own flaws (and those of others) and respect myself and others in the process, I think I'm on the right track to be a bit more 'without ego'.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

On Making Mistakes
Mistakes matter.  How you recover from them matters even more.  The best way to handle a mistake is to learn from the mistake.  Then you'll not repeat it nor ever be paralysed by the fear of making another mistake.
Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 20

Resilience
When Ryder was born 5 months ago, I was surprised that there were several friends "friends" from whom I didn't hear.  No visit, no call, not even an email to say "congratulations".  To me, it seems pretty normal that when a friend has a baby, you drop a line (in whatever way, shape or form), but maybe that is not the norm for others.  I have no clue what was behind it and in the end, that really doesn't matter.

In my life I have gone through enough experiences that taught me who my real friends really were and it is surprising that those experiences were not just 'bad' ones.  There were also joyous experiences, like getting married, having babies, etc. 

When you realize that people who you had considered to be friends, aren't really friends at all, it is difficult.  Sometimes it takes longer to accept that fact, sometimes you're 'over it' quicker.

A few days ago, I came across one of those 'friends' at a function.  During my pregnancy with Ryder I hardly heard from her, and after Ryder was born, I didn't either.  We received a gift through her husband, but I never heard from her personally.  In the beginning it bothered me.  It wasn't so much disappointing as it just pissed me off.  Let's get something straight here: it really isn't about "pay attention to me" here.  That's not the issue.  I would have gone for a different career, if that was the case.  The gift was nice, but in the end, friendship is worth so much more. 

The challenge for today was to remember to laugh when things got difficult. 

Over the course of the past days, the issue has popped in and out of my mind several times.  You know, things like that come up when you are in your "thoughtful place" - on the toilet, in the shower, waiting for a red light in traffic, etc. 

And today I did end up laughing about it: actually, I laughed a bit at myself for wondering about this kind of behavior, for dissecting it.  Why was I bothering with that?  I have so many wonderful friends who I can count on, who I love, who I can laugh with, who share similarities, who are there for me and for whom I will always be 'there' as well.  I hadn't talked to this 'friend' since I-don't-know-when, so really, what was I doing? 

When I realized how silly the whole situation was, it was so much easier to let go.  Afterall, a friend is not someone who you 'just know'.

"Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget." {Source: Unknown}

... and I am incredibly happy with the real friends I do have in my life.  They are a blessing and I am grateful for them.

Tomorrow's challenge:

With or Without Ego
With ego, you lash out when someone insults, disagrees or criticises you.  Without ego, you're able to accept your flaws without compromising your self worth.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 19

Knowing When Not To
Maybe you had noticed, maybe you hadn't, but I like to speak my mind.  If I am around 'others' (outside of the comforts of my home) I do edit myself, but if I am comfortably at home with my hubby or hanging out with my best friend, I usually say exactly what's on my mind.  It comes forth out of the comfort I feel being around these people.  I feel safe, at ease and feel comfortable enough to speak my mind.  In my writing I tend to speak my mind and put it as I see it (no, not necessarily as it is).  You don't like what you're reading?  That's okay.  You can stop, I won't force you to continue.

Unfortunately, I have found myself in a few situations lately in which I spoke my mind at home with my hubby, expressing my opinions, my thoughts, my ideas and it didn't quite work out the way I wanted it to.  Speaking my mind didn't go over very well, and though the few times that it happened, we talked things over and 'made up', it has put me in a place where I start to wonder if I have to start editing myself.

This is a hard one for me, I have to admit.  I feel that with one's other half (husband / wife / partner / etc.) one should be able to share what's on their mind.  Even when the other person may not agree, or may not like it.  Isn't that what relationships are (also) about: being able to be open, honest and to speak up?  

Then, on the other hand, if you know that what you are about to say (or what you want to say) might end up being misinterpreted and cause a disagreement, is it then better to not say it and keep it to yourself?

I think the crux here is 'timing': there is a right time for everything and sometimes might just not be the right time.  I have come to the conclusion that there are occasions when it is better not to say what's on your mind, hold on to it and wait until a later moment in time to bring it up.  Maybe when things have calmed down, when the other person is in a more relaxed state of mind, when you're not pressured by time because the kids need to go to bed, whatever that is.

Knowing when not to roll out your arguments / thoughts / opinions is difficult.  Especially when you really want to share your opinion and you really want to be heard.  However, it may very well be possible that there is a better time to do this at which time you might even be heard a lot better.

Give it a try.  I will.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Resilience
Resilience is your personal power, your inner strength that allows you to rise above difficult circumstances, and bounce back stronger than before the challenge!  With such vitality, nothing can bring you down, or destabilise you.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 17 & 18

One of the good things about this 25 Day Challenge is the fact that it puts you in a place to write every day.  A bad things about it is that it forces you to write every day.  Even when you're short on time.  And I was yesterday.  So: I didn't write.  I don't know how many (if any) people are following me on this challenge, but if there are, I apologize.

Let me start out by re-capping yesterday:

Positive Self Talk
Several people whose blogs I follow have written about this already, but as a mom it is as if you have a life-time subscription to the highest (and scariest) roller coaster ride you can think of: there are days when everything goes smoothly and being a mom is just the best thing ever.  Kids are in good moods, they eat, they play, they are happy, they make you laugh, if you're lucky you get some things done around the house, etc.  You know, the days that we need more of.  Right.  Those.  Then there are the days that cannot go by quick enough.  The days that seem like the drag on, during which you are faced with frustration, lots of crying, and at the end of the day (and most of the time during the day), you wonder why there doesn't seem to be anything that you can do right. It leaves us feeling inadequate, vulnerable and lost.  While the baby is crying, the toddler is whining, the dog is barking, the cat is fussing you feel like you're responsible for everyone's happiness.  And you're failing.  Or so it feels.

It is days like those, during which it is so easy to talk ourselves down.  "I don't seem to be doing anything right today" or "Why can't I make you stop whining / crying / barking / fussing / etc?"  And this is only the beginning of the downward spiral, which brings our mood down even further and faster if we indeed embark on it.  

It is at moments like that, that I have learned that sometimes Mommy needs a time out.  Just to get away from it all.  For just a few minutes.  To catch my breath, to remind myself that I am doing a great job and that this is just 'one of those days'.

I guess the point that I am trying to make is that sometimes we just need that affirmation.  Just the reminder that we are doing a good job. On those days, it is good to just take a moment and remind ourselves that we are.  Remember the nights that you rocked your baby to sleep.  The twinkle you'll see in their eyes when they are in a 'happy place', the smiles that they give you (on other days in this case).  The hugs.  The kisses.  The dances and the excited squeals when you come home after not having seen them for a while.  All those are our kids' ways of communicating that they love us.  That they are happy.  And that you are doing an excellent job as a mother.  I try to remind myself of these things when I go through a rough day.  And it's definitely difficult, especially when I am exhausted, tired and feel as I am drained from all resourcefulness I had before.  Yes, it's hard and it'd be handy if the hubby was around to tell you that you're an awesome mom regardless.  Unfortunately those moments often occur when the hubby is not around.  So when that happens, take a moment and remind yourself of the awesome mom you are.  'Cause you are.

Today's Challenge:


Beat Tiredness
Being tired isn't just about doing too much; it's also about being devoid of motivation.  Beat tiredness and work up your motivation to get things done and make things happen with spirit and gusto.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

For myself I strongly noticed that when I start doing something that I am excited about, it gets done with energy, motivation and excitement.  I enjoy the process of it, it doesn't tire me out (no matter how long it takes) and I get a kick when it's all done.  I am going to revamp my blog site a bit and I am excited about it.  The to-do list is made and I can't wait to see the final result.  If it takes longer than I anticipate it to take, that's okay.  It's something I am excited about.

At the same time, I remember how I dreaded doing my taxes.  I put it off, I put it off and this year again, our account filed for an extension.  Then I decided to change something.  I hated doing my taxes.  That was a fact, yet they had to be done.  So, I set the timer and chopped up the work in portions.  I worked for an hour and rewarded myself after an hour of focusing down and getting things done by doing something I enjoyed doing.  I scheduled the time in advance and knew that Monday night from 8:30-9:30 I was doing my taxes.  I closed my email program, so I wouldn't get distracted by incoming mail and knew that in an hour the timer would go off.  With an end in sight, it made that hour a lot more do-able.  Add to that the reward that awaited me at 9:31 and I actually got excited.  It became a game to see how much I could get done in that hour.  I did this several times over the course of a week and by the end of the week my taxes were done.  


Motivation is a big part of getting things done.  If you can find ways to motivate yourself, you'll be surprised how much you can get done (and how fast you can do it).


Tomorrow's Challenge:


Knowing When Not To:
Action is important but so is inaction.  To act appropriately and with consideration, you have to use your power of discernment.  Knowing when to and when not to: say something; dig your heels in; hold your ground; or make a decision!


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 16

Co-operation

Well, I can keep things short, as my little experiment for today hasn't taken place yet...

"Today offer your help without being asked or expecting thanks in return."  David and I are in the last half hour of getting things done / working / blogging (in my case) before we are going to sit down for the rest of the evening and vedge.  Is that even a word?  Whatever.  We are going to kick our feet up, have a cup of tea, and enjoy some delicious chocolate chip oatmeal cookies that I baked yesterday.  I was planning on rubbing his legs a bit as he usually carries a lot of tension there, so we'll see how it goes, but I am sure it'll be appreciated.  (It better be - LOL!)

For tomorrow's challenge:

Positive Self Talk

Your self-esteem comes down to the way you talk to yourself.  Your inner critic is that little voice that nags you and sabotages your efforts.  Change your inner critic to an inner coach and encourage yourself to keep trying even when you're not 100% successful!

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 15

Patience
When I set today's challenge up at the end of yesterday's post, I thought to myself: Oh god, that's going to be a hard one!  I am not graced with much patience, you know, and especially these days with a baby, a toddler, 2 high-maintenance dogs, a whiny cat and a husband (who again left his coffee cup on the counter), my patience seems to be running a bit low.  

So, today was indeed a challenge.  But...it paid off!  When I logged on to my blog dashboard this morning, I gathered that I had gained 2 followers overnight, yet the number of followers on my dashboard and on my blog were the same as last night: 46.  Huh?  I tried everything: refreshing the page, emptying out the cache, opening everything in a different browser, restarting the computer, nothing seemed to get the 46 turned into a 48.  As I was trying more things and more things didn't work, I felt my patience quickly being reduced from medium to ULTRA-low.  And as my patience went down, my blood pressure went up.

Then, I decided to let it go.  I'd figure it out later.  Or not.  But damnit, I really wanted to see that '48', not the '46'.  Sigh....  No, I'd move on with my day and figure it out later.  Really.  REALLY.  Later came and later went, but I didn't figure it out.  The kids went down for a nap, they woke up, I still hadn't figured it out.  

I figured that since it happened miraculously overnight that new followers didn't show up on my page anymore, so maybe the problem would fix itself overnight as well.  I mean, a mommy can believe in miracles, can't she?

I had sent out an email to a few fellow mommy bloggers and got some good feedback and tips, but unfortunately nothing helped.  Until...at the end of the day there was the 1 tip that did the trick.  Thanks Diane!!  The 2 followers who didn't show up were following me 'privately', meaning their photo doesn't show up on my followers' list.  There was the ahah-moment and the realization that 'patience' had paid off.  

That does bring me to a question for the more seasoned bloggers among us:
Why do people choose to follow privately and not publicly?  

Well, on that note, here's tomorrow's challenge:

Co-operation
To be co-operative means to have a quiet eye for what is needed and contribute accordingly.  To be a support at the right time, in the right place.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 14

Will Power
When Kai was about 6 months old he and I enrolled in a mommy-and-me class at a local community college.  There is one 'class' that I remember vividly.  (I say 'class' as they really weren't classes, but merely a chance for the kids to play with other toys and other kids while mommy was around).  


Kai is focused on the tunnel that he can crawl through and does so with great enthusiasm.  All of a sudden he stops and his eyes lock in on a phone and cable outlet in the wall - the only 2 that weren't covered with outlet covers for child protection (given that covers for these type of outlets don't exist).  Completely fixated on the outlets, he abandons the tunnel and heads over to the wall.


I get where he's going, tell him that these are no toys and pick him up to place him back in front of 'his' tunnel.  Only for him to turn around 180 degrees and to resume his mission that was so abruptly aborted my his mother.  He and I play this game a few times back and forth, with me putting returning him to the play mat, but every in a spot that is further and further removed from the darn outlets.  Finally, the winner distraction: food.


After 10 minutes filled with a snack and milk he is enough distracted and continues to play with the toys at hand.  Mommy, happy that the outlets seem to have been erased from the cognitive part of his brain, sits down to 'relax'.  NOT!!  Kai spotted them once again and was headed in their direction, looking occasionally over his shoulder to see if Mommy was going to catch him.  Yes she was.  And yes she did.  


This game finally ended when class was over.  All I can say is: the kid has will power.  When he has in his mind that he "can and he will", he will.  At times tough for mommy, but I hope in the end it will work out in his advantage (unless mommy doesn't want it to).

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Patience:
Patience is your willingness to let time and life move forward at their own pace, without losing sight of your destination.  When there's no rush, no hurry, out goes anxiety, in comes peace of mind.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 13

Add Fun To Your Life
I'm half way there!  To adding fun to my life?  Noooo!!  I'm half way through my challenge!!  Yahoo!!  Do I feel like a better person at this point?  No, but at least I am having fun playing around with the different challenges.  Icing on the cake is that they are teaching me something.

As did today's challenge:  I was that woman at the grocery store...  You know, the one with the crying baby.  The one who people look at and wonder: why is she letting her poor baby cry?  Why does it not bother her?

Well, people, for the record: I DON'T LET MY BABY CRY.  To those people: you obviously have never dealt with babies, but lemme enlighten ya: sometimes, you know,.....they cry!  Yes, that's right!  Sometimes they cry!  There are times that there is a reason for the spilling of tears, and believe it or not, sometimes there ain't (a reason).  I will do my best to soothe him, but hey, sometimes I can soothe all I want, but if the reason for his crying is out of my control, then crying he does.

Secondly, it does bother me.  Do you think I like the sound of my baby crying?  No!  Especially when I'm wearing him on my chest.  That kid has some lungs, and he's LOUD!!  It makes me almost need to have a stash of Tylenol ready as he sometimes successfully manages to give me a headache.  Of course it bothers me when my baby is crying. But sometimes there isn't much that I can do about it.  And that was today.


Again, we woke up at 5am.  (I now get what 'sleep regression' means, but really, I would have been just as happy not knowing.)  By the time we got to the store, that made for a tired baby.  And what do babies do when they are tired?  You got it!  They cry!!  And guess what?  There ain't much I can do about that while I am waiting in the check out line.  


This morning I was ready to have fun today.  To turn what I usually would describe as the much-dreaded-grocery-shopping-chore into an excursion with my boys.  Different way of approach, yet still getting my fridge re-loaded.  Kai was loving it.  Anytime he gets to ride in the 'soppin caht' [shopping cart] he gets that grin on his face. Even more fun is pummeling the items I give him to "gently put in the cart" down in the basket...(obviously I don't give him the eggs).  Then, at the check out there always is the request for "stickies please" and then, the most exciting thing: waving and saying "BYE!!!" to everyone who wants to hear it (and even to those who don't).  


As you may have gotten by now, Ryder wasn't having it so much this morning.  Oh well, we can't always have it our way.  To those people who wished I wasn't there this morning: TOO BAD!  Suck it up, 'cause I was there!  Bring your earplugs the next time you go grocery shopping.  Me being bothered by my kid crying is not going to soothe him.


In light of my challenge, I decided not to let the situation get to me.  And guess what: we hadn't made it to the car or he was asleep.  He had a delightful nap in the 6 minutes (yes, that's right) it took us to get home and was the happiest, giggling-over-everything, bright-eyed, delicious, chubby, gerber-baby you could possibly imagine until the moment I told him that it was time to take a nap.  Oops...bad mommy.  How dare I put my kids down for a nap?  Actually, it wasn't much appreciated by either one of them.  Oh well, life is tough being a baby and/or toddler.  Darn, I wish that someone came over to me and said "time to go nite-nite".  Yeah, that would bring me to tears too.  Tears of HAPPINESS that is!


So, was I really having 'fun' in that check out line this morning?  No, not particularly.  But it didn't get to me either.  And it would have been very easy to have gotten bothered or stressed out.  Having fun and enjoying the 'little' challenges that my kids throw me today allow me to go with the flow a bit more.  I think it makes for a more relaxed mommy.  Now, if I could only remind myself of these wise words around 5pm...:-0


Tomorrow's Challenge:


Will Power
If you believe 'you can' and have the strong desire to do so, then despite setbacks, it's your will power that makes you 'try, try, try again'.  Both 'will' and 'power' are released when you go from 'will do' to 'doing things willingly'.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 12

Overcoming Anger
The challenge for today was to write a letter to someone that I am angry with and then throw it away.  Hmm...come to think of it, I am not really angry with anyone.  Annoyed, yes, but not angry.  And the annoyance, well, I've let go of that on day 7 when I packed up my thoughts.  So, it would be better to say "I was annoyed".  Right.  I stand corrected.

I guess that is it for today as far as the challenge goes.  I'm almost half way there.  12 days done, 13 more to go.  Cool! 

Tomorrow's challenge:

Day 13: Add fun to your life
Waking up energised and excited about tackling challenges is a sign that you have the 'fun factor' in your life.  When you're having 'fun', you're curious enough to explore life.  And then, nothing is impossible or off limits.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 10 & 11

What happened to yesterday?  I swear it was lacking hours.  There were fewer than 24, I just know it!  At least that's how it felt.  Didn't have a chance to write and even now, I am sitting down in between birthday parties filled with sugar, bouncy castles and amped up toddlers to find a moment to write.

The challenge yesterday asked for every time I felt like saying "I have to...", to replace it with "I get to..."  Oh man, that was difficult and I am just not sure if I passed the test.  Most mommies will be familiar with the 'witching hour' and as many families, we have one as well.  At the end of the afternoon, always right when I am about to start cooking.  

I always enjoy company in the kitchen.  Nothing beats a nice conversation (while enjoying a glass of something) while prepping dinner,  but when that company fusses, cries, fusses, cries and occasionally lets out sounds at the volume strong enough to deafen me, it really destroys that nice ambience.  Yesterday wasn't any different and I had a really hard time to move from "I have to find a way for Ryder to calm down" to "Yippee, I get to wear my 19 lb. baby on my chest, while dealing with a sore knee, a painful back, oh and while prepping dinner."  


Being able to move from "I have to..." to "I get to..." can make a big difference in our minds and in how we perceive things on our way.  I totally see that.  And I totally had a hard time with it yesterday.  So there!

Today's Challenge:

Concentration Ability
When you want to do something sincerely and are decisive about it, the power of concentration becomes available to you.  Concentration allows you to achieve more in less time and respond to situations in a more effective way.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge 
As I am writing this, my dear husband is on the phone and decided to put the conversation on speaker phone as he 'can't hold the phone and type at the same time'.  I am in the same room, making attempts to write this post and though it is challenging to block out the conversation (which does not involve any typing at the moment, yet is still on speaker phone), I am surprised about how well I am able to concentrate on the thing that I am doing here.  

It's not because it's written in the challenge, but I do strongly believe that I am much more effective in what I do when I do 1 thing at a time and really give that thing 100% attention.  Many times I feel overwhelmed with the ever-expanding list of to-do's.  That list never seems to get shorter.  For every thing that gets crossed off, it seems there are 2 more things that are being added at the bottom.  

Here's what I have learned in the past, which really seems to work: on a note pad, make a master list of all the things that you need to do.  Then, pick 1 thing off that list and write that down on a separate page.  Leave that page visible to you and do that 1 thing.  Finish it and cross it off the 2 pages.  Now, take the next 1 thing that needs to be done and write it down on that second page.  Do just that thing, complete it, and cross it off.  

This way you stay focused and don't get distracted by all the other things that need to be done.

Here I am.  Still writing.  In the mean time, I have said "not now" to something that I was asked earlier and I haven't checked my email (despite it ringing several times, alarming me that there is yet another piece of junk mail that needs reading immediately).  In the mean time my husband ended his phone call, just in time for me to be done writing.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Overcoming Anger:
Anger can be a by-product of our way of thinking, rather than it being caused by a person or an event.  You can either hold on to your anger or, you can calm down and let go.  Choose to be calm and you'll find it easier to forgive and move on.


Click here for the 'think - pause - act' elements of the challenge

25 Day Challenge - Day 9

Finding Clarity

I have to admit that today I totally 'missed out' on my challenge.  I didn't even think about it.  Ohoh...bad mommy...

BUT, having honestly admitted that, I do have to say that over the past couple of months I have worked on the very thing that today's challenge asked for: clearing my environment.  No, I have not been picking up trash from the street (though I have from our front yard.  Can you imagine, people actually littering in other people's front yards?!?!  Yes, it happens!  Grrr!!!).  But, I have been clearing out my living environment.

A few months ago I was at a game night that one of my mommy friends had organized: a bunch of mamas, sipping wine, playing games and having good laughs.  My idea of a fun eve with friends.  We got to talking about this book that the host had bought and how it had changed her life.  I was intrigued and ordered it myself:

The Simple Living Guide, by Janet Luhrs is very insightful and gives great tips on how to go about simplifying every day aspects of life, reducing our stress levels and teaching us how to live more 'in the moment', more fully.  

The book prompted me to clean my house, take out all the crap a lot of things that I hadn't used for over a year and put those in boxes for a yard sale.  I filled up 3 trash bags with stuff out of my closet.  (No, I did not touch David's!) After my pregnancy with Ryder there were enough clothes that I couldn't or wouldn't wear anymore, so why hold on to them?  All that was left over after the yard sale got donated to Goodwill.

It feels nice to clean (out), though it is an activity that makes David nervous, to say the least.  He's the pack rat, I am the ... opposite (can't think of the word here).  So yes, it may have happened at some random moment in the past that I may, possibly, in a moment of ThisHouseNeedsToBeCleanNOW-overwhelm,  have tossed something out that I later  needed..or was his...possibly...dunnot remember specifics (Momnesia, I suffer from it).

Overall though, a clean house, and space around me (clean desk, tidy closets, tidy kitchen, etc.) gives me peace.  Ahah!  Now I know why I'm so-not-peaceful at the moment!!  Too much clutter!  That's it!  Glad I had my 'Ahah-moment' today, but unfortunately I am not in the mood to clean right now.  It's 11:20pm.  Too tired.

Must. Go. To. Bed.

Tomorrow's challenge:

No Complaining Zone

If you approach life complaining about what's missing then you'll be dissatisfied.  Satisfaction comes from knowing that things can always be improved but at the same time appreciating what is right in your life, right now.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 8

Go With the Flow
Oh, I much I love, love, love this one.  And oh, how I need to remind myself of this one much more often.  

Today's challenge falls very much in line with the one of Day 4.  Going with the flow and letting go of expectations is a wonderful thing.  I actually managed pretty well today.  As you know by now, it was Dave's b-day, which meant I was flying solo on the whole getting-the-day-and-boys-started part of the day.  Mornings and evenings are always most challenging as both the animals and the boys have needs simultaneously, which, if not met right away, mean the end of the world for as far as they know it.

I've done it before and know very well that it is possible to make it through this part of the day without any obstacles, if I just go with the flow.  And I did this morning.  It did mean that the dishwasher didn't get unpacked, dishes didn't get put away, floor didn't get swiffered, b-fast dishes didn't get done, but...what it did mean was that the animals got fed, the kids got fed, they each got their mommy-and-me time, Ryder got put down for his nap while Kai was occupied and croissants got baked for David's b-day breakfast.  In other words, it all went flawlessly.  Eventually I even got the dishwasher unpacked, but unfortunately the floor didn't get cleaned.  Oh well, the dirt will still be there tomorrow.  Waiting patiently to be removed and everyone will be happy.

The happy ending to a great day.

Tomorrow's challenge:

Finding Clarity
Clarity is more than knowing whether you should choose (a) or (b).  Clarity happens when you turn your mind within and allow it to be still. In stillness, there's clarity - you know exactly what it is that you have to do.

Click here for the pause - think - act element of the challenge.

 

25 Day Challenge - Day 7

Pack Up Your Thoughts
I have to admit that today I totally did not pause, or act in line with the challenge.  I did think about it.  It was the first thing this morning that I thought about.  Since Christmas I have been thinking a lot about the relationship that I have with certain people in my life and quite honestly, if I allow myself to really think about the details it gets my incredibly wound up.  In other words: totally not worth it.  This morning I started thinking about it again and then it hit me: just let go.  Don't worry about these things anymore.  If it causes me to frown and therefore enhances the wrinkles on my forehead....NOT WORTH IT MAMA!!!!! 

We're not talking about anything that I am dreading and that is inevitable such as my taxes.  I'm talking about 'relationships' that drain me of energy.  The ones that leave me feeling empty and that make me sigh.  In line with today's challenge: sometimes it is better to pack up the negative thoughts and feelings.  That way I am creating space for positive thoughts, feelings and experiences in the relationships that do give me energy, a sense of satisfaction, love, laughter and joy.  Did I pack them up?  I think so.  I have let go of the thought that I 'should' get along with everyone.  'Should' according to who?  Right, according to no one but myself.  All those thoughts are in my mind.  I have let go of them and it feels liberating.  I feel relieved.  It's a good thing.

I guess by now I have to re-write the first sentence of this post.  I did pause and act in line with the challenge.  Guess I did better than I thought.

Tomorrow's challenge:

Day 8: Go with the Flow
Sometimes we just have to be wise enough to go with the flow.  We have to put our trust in life and let the current carry us.  That doesn't mean we should take our focus off where we're going.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge

25 Day Challenge - Day 6

Time Management
"When you want something done, ask the busiest person."  Pretty true.  But...not always.  I think I have the right to say that I am pretty busy these days, but do I get everything done?  Oh heavens....NOOOOOO!!!!  

This morning was consumed by the feeling that it was slipping away from me.  What was slipping away?  Time.  In order to keep my family fed happy, I had to pack the boys up this morning and head out to do some grocery shopping.  I knew this yesterday and had fully planned to make a grocery list before going to bed.  (Grocery shopping without a list inevitably means impulse buying.  And when on a bit of a budget: impulse buying = not good.)  However, I didn't.  I don't remember why, but that doesn't matter.  The thing that matters is that when this morning arrived, I didn't have a list to go by.


Mornings are hectic in the house: feeding a toddler, nursing a baby (at the same time mind you, as both are convinced that waiting would be synonymous to 'starvation'), feeding the dogs, feeding the cat, making coffee for hubby oh yeah and sneaking in a bowl of cereal for me at some point when everyone else is busy digesting.  Right when I'm done, baby is done being awake and needs nap.  During the hour that follows I: check email, empty dishwasher, get dressed, brush teeth, dress toddler, tidy, clean, make quick phone calls, prep Ryder's upcoming snack and...[outta breath].  Then: baby wakes up, needs to eat and since we just started on rice cereal last week that is a time consuming activity.  All this leaves approximately 1 hour to do groceries, run errands, take the kids to the park, or do whatever it is I set out to do that morning before we have to return home for lunch and nap time.


See: times flies in our house.  Especially when you're having fun.


For that reason, I need to always be ready to go.  In the evening make my grocery list, pack my bag, put the clothes out, etc.  Especially since sleep deprivation is keeping me from having a clear mind in the morning.  Today it was as if my brain was constantly shortening out.  Szszszszsz......crackle, crackle.  Something like that. 


Long story short: I did manage to make a list before venturing out to my beloved Trader Joe's, however, my time management this weekend could have been better.  It sure would have made for a more relaxed morning.  All this goes back to the original quote: work smarter, not harder.  For moms, this is an excellent mantra to live by.  It sure would take some of our stress out of the equation.


Tomorrow's challenge:


Day 7: Pack Up Your Thoughts
What are you choosing to hold onto in your mind?  You can always pack-up all the unnecessary and negative thoughts and feelings in your mind.  Pack away and put it out of your mind.  You then have space to create something new and positive.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 5

Fear Nothing

That is soooo much easier said than done.  I fear a lot of things, which I (believe me) would really rather not fear.  But I do.  And I survive them.  Not always happily, but I do.  If I didn't fear anything, would I be happier?  I don't know.  I would not have to deal with the emotion of 'fear', but then, when I overcome something that I initially was afraid of, I also wouldn't experience the emotion of "I conquered that!!".  Know what I mean?

With both kids I remember the day of the first grocery trip.  For all the mommies out there: do you remember that trip?  How did you feel prior to taking it?  I was terrified.  In my mind I was going to be the lady who was fighting her way through the grocery store with 2 screaming children.  One in the shopping cart, the other one in the carrier on my chest.  In my mind, I would without a doubt pick the wrong check-out line; the one that has the lady in it with all the coupons, or with the one broken egg that needs to be replaced.  The lady, who then continues to write a check instead of using her card (which reminds me of the Visa commercial that aired several years ago.  Yes, the one with my hubby in it: at a restaurant, everything goes smoothly until there is the one customer who pays cash.  This stops the whole flow of music, dance and happiness in the restaurant....loved that commercial, in more ways than one).  Anyways, that line, you know the line I'm talking about right?

I was terrified that I would be that woman.  The woman who everyone (especially the ones without kids) look at and wonder silently what she is doing in the store with her kids who are obviously out of control.  Oh, I feared being that mom in the store.

I remember it took, what seemed, an eternity to get out of the house.  I packed enough things to make it look like we were going away overnight.  Bag, snacks, drinks, milk, nursing cover, diapers, wipes.  After all: you never know.  

Even though I (most likely) still picked the wrong check out line, both those first trips with kids went well.  I certainly got some attention (after all, you get attention when you venture out with a newborn baby), but it was all for good reasons.

When I got home, I experienced a mixture of pride, accomplishment and excitement.  A few hours earlier, I had feared my little outing.  I feared the inevitable, faced it and overcame it.  Now, I smile when I think back of that day and though for most of us this might be an example of a small thing to overcome, as a fresh sleep deprived new mom that was a big step to take.  As moms we all took them and we continue to take steps to overcome whatever we may fear: it could be a plane ride, a vacation away from our children, the kids' first sleepover (somewhere else), their first vaccination, our first day flying solo (not having the help of SuperDad), etc.  And yet our fears don't deter us.  

Fearing something is normal.  Taking steps to overcome it takes courage.  And courage comes from the deepest source: le cœur, which is French for 'the heart'.  There is nothing wrong with anything good that comes from the heart.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Day 6: Time Management
Whilst time can't be controlled, you can manage yourself.  When you begin to work smarter, not harder, and do the right things better, you'll begin to make the most and get the best out of your time.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge. 

 

25 Day Challenge - Day 4

From Expectations to Acceptance
"Let go of your expectations."  "Go with the flow."  "Just accept what is."
The number of times that I have told myself one of these things over the past 2 1/2 years in my role as a mother exceeds anyone's ability to count.  As a type A personality, I like things to happen when they're supposed to happen and to be where they're supposed to be.  Anal?  No.  OCD?  No, it's not that extreme, but definitely a strong type A.

Add to that a husband with a strong will, 2 strong-willed Australian Shepherds, an incredibly strong-willed cat and, last but not least, 2 boys.  Result: mommy sometimes is about to lose it (and occasionally does).  House is never clean anymore, the laundry hamper is never empty, there are always muddy prints (dog, cat, or human) somewhere and it's becoming a challenge to keep an eye out for everyone.  Is my house out of control?  No, I'm not saying that, but my type A personality would prefer a bit more of it (control that is) at times.

A lot of these things have caused a certain amount of stress for me.  Things never go exactly the way that I want them to go.  Things are never all in the place that they are supposed to be.  But...I think I am at times (not always) pretty capable of remembering one of the phrases from above.  And it helps.  If I let go of my expectations, if I let go of how I think things (or humans for that matter) should be, then they won't cause me to get stressed when they're not.  And trust me, they often 'are not'.  

Me stressing about the fact that Kai doesn't always tell me that he has done a poo-poo, doesn't make him tell me.  If anything, it might cause the opposite.  It still bothers me when he smushes the content of his diaper all over the place by plopping down on the ground, but me stressing about it and getting upset that he did that (not on purpose), is not going to change anything.  I still have to clean the smelly mess that is now about to squirt out of his nappie.  Ah, the joys of motherhood.

The past few years of being a mother have taught me a lot, but one of the things is that babies and toddlers behave the way they do.  Yes, for a big part I can influence their behavior, but at the end of the day, me stressing about it and being of the opinion that he really should be eating more of his dinner, isn't going to make him (or at least not peacefully).  Motherhood is making choices, picking your battles.  And sometimes it's just better to move from having expectations, to accepting what is.  For the sake of peace in the house, trust from my boys, and mommy's sanity.

On that note of wisdom, I am signing off to get ready for a little get together with friends.  Some BBQ, some Margarita's, some lounging outside.  You get the idea.

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Day 5: Fear Nothing
You already have the courage to "Face, Explore, Accept and Respond" to fear.  All you have to do is move beyond inertia and discover your true potential.  Then, courage will enable you to take action in spite of fear.

Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.

25 Day Challenge - Day 3

The Solution Focus
So, today we are making the choice to see problems as opportunities.  ALLLLLLLLrighty, where do we start?  Well, I guess at 5:20am this morning when both boys decided to rise and shine for the day.  People!  5 friggin' 20!!!  That just ain't right!!  How was I going to see waking up before sunrise as an opportunity?  Huh...  Waking up early = morning nap for Ryder early = early afternoon nap for both boyz = waking up early from nap = being able to make it to the kids' godparents who they absolutely adore.  So there!  Problem turned Opportunity! 


With a husband who is self-employed and me being on 'break' from work for having just had a baby, finances are tight at the moment.  It has forced us to be creative and start thinking about alternative ways of generating income.  Now, whereas all the initiatives that we came up with may take a bit of time to pay off, it has put us in a place of looking for opportunities, rather than focusing on the problem.  I'm not saying that it is easy.  I'm not saying that I am forgetting about where we are.  I'm not saying that I pretend that all is okay.  I am saying that in situations when we are faced with what we consider a problem, we often subconsciously start looking automatically for opportunities of ways out.


This drives home the point that I got to yesterday as well: I think that being conscious of the process is a major thing here.  Be aware.  Think.  Don't just act.  Think before you act.  And think about what we can learn from this situation.  If for no other reason than to learn from the situation and to make sure that this won't happen again.  (For as far as it is in our control.  As I have a suspicion that sometime before the kids go off to college I will be once again be awoken before sunrise.)

Tomorrow's Challenge:

Day 4: From Expectations to Acceptance
Getting on with people is tough, especially when they don't fulfill your expectations!  Instead, if you accept people the way they are without expecting them to be something they're not, you end up less disappointed and frustrated.


Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.