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The Solution Focus
So, today we are making the choice to see problems as opportunities. ALLLLLLLLrighty, where do we start? Well, I guess at 5:20am this morning when both boys decided to rise and shine for the day. People! 5 friggin' 20!!! That just ain't right!! How was I going to see waking up before sunrise as an opportunity? Huh... Waking up early = morning nap for Ryder early = early afternoon nap for both boyz = waking up early from nap = being able to make it to the kids' godparents who they absolutely adore. So there! Problem turned Opportunity!
With a husband who is self-employed and me being on 'break' from work for having just had a baby, finances are tight at the moment. It has forced us to be creative and start thinking about alternative ways of generating income. Now, whereas all the initiatives that we came up with may take a bit of time to pay off, it has put us in a place of looking for opportunities, rather than focusing on the problem. I'm not saying that it is easy. I'm not saying that I am forgetting about where we are. I'm not saying that I pretend that all is okay. I am saying that in situations when we are faced with what we consider a problem, we often subconsciously start looking automatically for opportunities of ways out.
This drives home the point that I got to yesterday as well: I think that being conscious of the process is a major thing here. Be aware. Think. Don't just act. Think before you act. And think about what we can learn from this situation. If for no other reason than to learn from the situation and to make sure that this won't happen again. (For as far as it is in our control. As I have a suspicion that sometime before the kids go off to college I will be once again be awoken before sunrise.)
Tomorrow's Challenge:
Day 4: From Expectations to Acceptance
Getting on with people is tough, especially when they don't fulfill your expectations! Instead, if you accept people the way they are without expecting them to be something they're not, you end up less disappointed and frustrated.
Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.
I started my 25 Day Challenge yesterday, on my birthday. "Do not worry" was yesterday's mantra and on several occasions I had to remind myself of it as the day unfolded.
One of the treats these days is sleeping in. Any minute after 7am is a beautiful one if spent with my eyes closed, in bed. In silence. Imagine how heavenly yesterday felt when I got to sleep until 10am and then was awakened to breakfast in bed...[sigh] Sometimes I wish that it could be my birthday more often. Just a few times I semi-woke up as my mommy radar detected baby fussiness down the hall in the living room. Thoughts started going through my mind such as "He's tired. It's his naptime. He may need a clean diaper. He is overstimulated." But soon enough I was able to remind myself "Do not worry". David was looking after them, I had to trust that he had it under control. And even if he didn't - right there and then, it wasn't my responsibility. For once.
As the day unfolded in a beautiful way, filled with time spent at the play ground with the kids and David, a surprise massage (which sent me to a whole other world!!) and a beautiful dinner, there were other moments where I started to feel worried about something, but being aware of it is so powerful. Being aware that you are about to embark on the worry train and being able to let yourself hop off before it picks up too much speed is incredibly powerful. Be aware. Live consciously. As soon as we start going on 'automatic pilot' and start cruising without really paying attention, we are more likely to be thrown off by the unexpected. If we're aware and living consciously, we not only will be able to catch ourselves when we start worrying, but maybe even more importantly, we'll be enjoying ourselves so much more.
The challenge asked for singing for 10 minutes yesterday. I have to admit that I did not do that. But that was merely to keep the peace in my house. No, I don't suck that much at singing (or at least I don't think so), but for whatever reason Kai hates it when anyone sings. He used to love it as a baby, his face would light up (just like Ryder's does when we sing to him), but these days he hates it and will throw a full-on tantrum if we attempt to sing a tune. Singing these days happens in secret with Ryder when Kai is not around. As a mom, I choose to pick my battles.
Today marks day 2 and today's challenge is to "Slow Down, Relax". I can absolutely find myself in that one. Right up my alley. Then why is it that I have such a hard time consciously doing it? I feel like my time is limited. In the few hours that I have available when the boys are napping, I have tons and tons to do and it always seems as if my list only gets longer. Never shorter. Despite completing things and taking them off. It feels like a never-ending battle.
So, I have a hard time to slow down. But, here's the thing. One of my dearest college friends called me from Europe this afternoon. Right after the boys had gone down. Perfect timing hon!! (And they were actually sleeping!!). I had a whole list of things that needed to be done waiting on the kitchen counter. Nevertheless, I sat down, curled up on the sofa and had a great conversation with her. For over an hour!! There were moments that I felt like I should be wrapping our conversation up because I had so many things that needed to be done. After all, we're getting a dinner guest over tonight. But I didn't. We didn't wrap up our conversation until we were caught up on each other's life. It was wonderful to sit there for an hour and catch up with someone I love. The things on my list can wait. They will still be there when I get off the call. My friend lives on the other side of the world. It is always a challenge to find a good time to call and catch up, given the time difference. The times that it is convenient for her, I usually have my hands full with the boys and have a split focus between keeping Kai from dumping his building blocks on the dog, Ryder from losing his patience in his bouncy, the other dog chasing the cat all while I try to have a conversation with her. Not ideal. So when the time arrives that both boys are asleep and she calls...my to-do list can wait.
And here I am. I just had a chance to catch up with my girlfriend in Europe, I got some sewing done, the floors swiffered and mopped, this post written and...there is still silence in the house.
The bottom line: slowing down and relaxing for a moment, doesn't mean you won't get anything done. It means that you are (once again) more conscious in the moment. Giving, whatever it is that you are doing, more attention and therefore doing it better and enjoying it more.
Just remember: whatever you get marked off your to-do list great, but as far as the other things are concerned: your to-do list will still be there tomorrow. On the kitchen counter, where you left it.
I will sign off with sharing tomorrow's challenge:
Day 3: The Solution Focus
Making things positive doesn't mean a sunny outlook; it means making the choice to see problems as opportunities. Every problem and difficult situation is embedded with a solution - the adventure lies in finding the solution.
Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.
It's my birthday today and as per David's 'command' I am not doing the dishes. I made a delicious meal (recipe to follow at some point) and he is cleaning up. Bless him. After a cocktail and a bottle of delicious Merlot, I am not in a state of mind to seriously evaluate the first day of my 25-day Challenge, but all I can say is that the "Do not worry" line popped up in my mind a few times today and it worked. I had a lovely day. It was a great birthday.
I will write more about it tomorrow, but at the moment I really would like to get back to the heavenly crème brulée that is awaiting to be caramelized and to the Baileys that is accompanying it.
So, for tomorrow the challenge is as follows:
Day 2: Slow Down, Relax
Stress may appear to get things done in the short-term but in the long term it leads to burnout. When you learn to slow down, you discover how easy it is to be relaxed whilst on the go!
Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.
If the boys and time allow, I will cover today in my writing tomorrow.
Have a beautiful night and a 'relaxed' Thursday.
Alright, here we go. Tomorrow's challenge:
DAY 1: NO WORRY
When we worry, we make problems bigger than what they really are. Instead of worrying, accept whatever you have no control over, prepare wherever you can and choose happiness instead of worry!
Click here for the 'pause - think - act' elements of the challenge.
On that note, I am signing off. Off to make my killer crème brulée, so it'll be perfect for dessert tomorrow.
I am following this awesome blog called 'The Mommyhood Memos'. Adriel is an amazing mom, who yesterday struck a nerve with her post "You are a great mum. (can you please tell me again?)" In her post, she described the vulnerability, the frustration and the tiredness, resulting in doubt and confusing I had been feeling for the past two days. (I never knew that a 'baby not napping' could drive a mom to all that, as Kai has pretty much always been an amazing sleeper.) Thanks to Adriel, I was reminded that children don't always fit in the box that we would like them to fit in and that this whole experience as a mother is indeed a life lesson. A journey during which we fall, stumble, get up, and learn, but we're doing it all for one reason and for one reason only: the precious gift(s) we have received - our child(ren). Today I have made it a point to go more 'with the flow' and so far, it's a good day. Even Ryder not wanting to nap (again) didn't bother me. (He is asleep now, by the way.) Thanks Adriel.
After reading her post, I remembered the '25-Day Challenge'. Every day I receive a 'Thought for Today'. I have to admit that I don't take the time every day to really read them, let alone follow through with them by remembering them throughout the day. But, having said that, they are great and really are a wonderful way to start the day, before leaping into all the things we "should" (hate that word) be doing. In collaboration with 'Inner Space' they recently sent out the '25-day Challenge' to their subscribers. The basic idea is to daily pause for a moment, think positively and act by doing something in light of that day's challenge. I have to admit that I didn't last long as I forgot, didn't have time [blush], or whatever.
So, here's the deal. Tomorrow is my birthday. A wonderful day to start re-taking the challenge and this time I am going to complete it (actively). I am going to blog about it on a daily basis. It may be all I write about, it may be part of my post. I will post the challenge, including the link. That way, if you want to join me in this challenge, you can.
Speaking of my birthday: I just received my first wonderful birthday gift. A few days ago I became a member of MBC (Mom Bloggers Club) and in the few days of being a member I have already met so many lovely people, awesome writers and found some amazing blogs. One of these lovely people is Neel, who awarded me with this amazing award. Neel, thank you so very much for appreciating my work, for reading and following me and for giving me a great birthday gift. I am honored to receive this award, especially so soon after meeting you.
I would love to pass this award on to the following people, who I think are amazing bloggers and who deserve it:
Congrats mommies!!
Well, on that note, I'm signing off. Baby is (again) done napping, so gotta go.
We just had an earthquake (5.7 towards San Diego / the border). These days it seems to (almost always) happen when I am sitting in the office (our converted garage). All of a sudden I got dizzy. Like having had too much to drink while seated and then suddenly getting up. Know that feeling? Well, this time all I had had to drink was water. I missed out on my daily cocktail, simply because it had been yet another afternoon of crying and all I could think of was Tylenol. So, dizziness, crackling of the doors (we live in a 50's ranch-style home). When that happens, there is always that moment of "Is this an earthquake, or am I that tired that I'm imagining things?" Most of the time, by the time you're done thinking that, even before you figure out an answer, the quake is over and all there is left to do to get an answer is to look at the pendant lighting in the dining room. And yes, it was swaying back and forth. Crap!
I hate earthquakes. These small ones aren't the problem, but it's the big one that I fear. Where will I be? More importantly: where will my children be? Will I be with them? Will David be with us, or will he be at the other side of town? What then? How will he get home when the whole city has been flattened? What will I do? No, this is not the first time those thoughts have entered my mind. Actually, we are pretty well prepared, but that really doesn't help much if I'm out and about with the kids now, does it?
I fear that day. I know that it won't be in my control and that the best thing to do is to not worry too much about it. To be as ready as I can be and then just go with the flow. Yeah. Easy to say that. In the meantime, I would still like to get the heck out of this town, but it's David's work that keeps us here. I know, I know, I made the decision to stay here when I said "yes" to his question "Will you marry me?".
Going back to the earthquakes. They have been happening more frequently these past few months than in all of the 10 years that I have been here. Does that mean anything? I don't know. I don't know if I want to know. In the meantime, this one is behind me and all is well. Nevertheless, I really wouldn't mind getting the heck outta here.
I have no idea of this was the result of yesterday afternoon's low, or what, but Ryder not only slept through the night for the first time (without any interruptions), but he also slept for nearly 13 hours!!! HAAAAALLELUJAHHHHHH!!!!!!
At 5am I woke up, terrified, since I hadn't heard him at all. I don't even want to think about all the things that went through my mind, much less write them down, but use your imagination. Thank heavens for the video monitor I have. With one click on the button, I could see that he had (of course) flipped himself on his tummy and that his breathing was moving his torso up and down in a calm and peaceful manner. Phew. What a relief. I turned over and fell back into a sleep that was deeper than any sleep I have had in the past year. Absolutely heavenly.
Now I am left wondering: was this a coincidence, a mere consequence of having worn himself out yesterday afternoon, or...could it possibly be the result of the cautious sleep training that we started on Wednesday? I don't know, but I hope to find out soon. If anything, it was a beautiful early-birthday gift. Yes, I will be turning a year older on Wednesday, but I will still very much be the thirty-something mom that I am now.
